(December 31, 9:19pm)

Somehow I can't add pics on Blogspot.. So here is the link for all my readers.. A photo-Tale to tell... On my holidaying in Kashmir.. Do consider the captions!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.347103338638811.109628.100000174424528&type=3

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I have kept this album accessible for public!

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A very Happy New Year to all of you!

Love, Peace, and Happiness await you in 2012!

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(December 28, 9:34pm)

Back to home (Patna) from Kashmir!

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Had a bath after 5 days!

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(December 26, 7:37pm)

Enlightening talks with KU (Kashmir University) professors today... Loved that really!

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(December 26, 10:04am)

Went to Gulmarg yesterday... Amazing Treat!!

Never thought I too would be one day doing all that on Christmas.. Hitting one another with snow balls... hurling ice.. skating... and oh, the out-of-the-world Kashmiri food!

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Thank you Nazir Ganaie & co..

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(December 23, 6:36 pm)

It was December 23, 1992..I was young...very young..
but, the memories are clear like marbles..

Since the Gods knew our days were numbered, they had given me sharp memory. They needed to prove they were kind.

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The Babri had just been pulled down, and anticipating the riots, we had left our sprawling cottage-house in Sultanganj, and moved to this place where Muslim population was thin..

Grandmum had tough time convincing mumma, who was above such things.. For her, the blood was red in every vein... interestingly, even the day we "fled" the place, she had summoned her Muslim driver and other guys for escort!

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I despised the house...but since it offered me a view of the main road, from where i could keep a watch for mumma to return, i had agreed to it as periodic arrangement..

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So, there i stood in that terrace that afternoon, under the radiant sun... my thoughts wandering as i looked aimlessly at the street below.."Look its almost four now, she said she'd come by 2," I told my brother annoyingly.. we had already played the ludo many times, and there was nothing new to do now..

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Every year, after our schools had closed for winters on December 3rd or 4th, we waited desperately for 23rd to arrive..Mumma's last working day!

And with bro's b'de the next day, she'd hurriedly come back from college, dress us up, get us a brunch, and we'd be off for shopping...we bought the jackets, we bought the shoes..pairs of denims, santa caps, wind-cheaters..gloves and mufflers to match..story books, toys..the cake, the meat-balls...the list would be endless, because mumma, before she'd come to pick us up, would have encashed whatever was left in her bank that day..

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23rd December 1992.
Bro still was waiting for mumma.

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But, I was waiting for the culprit.

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Light slowly began to fade, and darkness and despair set in like unsought guests..i was more and more sure she had failed us.. Yeah, she'd turn up, but without the money.,

Grannie had told me about our crisis only the previous day..how Mumma had first squandered everything, her arrears, her deposits, her NSCs...then indulged in relentless charity..and this magnanimity as if so intoxicating, she hadnt even bothered to draw her salary between..

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So unless it was by a repertoire of magic, we wouldnt have any money for the year end (Her salary would come only on Jan 2nd, when the university reopened)..

Fingers crossed, we waited.
We prayed.
We implored upon the Gods to be kinder..
Else bro's birthday would be wasted.
Christmas too.
And my b'de, that fell on new year.

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But she would not turn up. "Why is she taking so late. Is her salary credited. Why did she have to go looking for it the last day. why dint she draw it three months? And why did she spend all her money away?" I asked irritatingly.

"May be it's credited," bro suggested, not willing to give up.

"In that case she'd have come already."

"May be she is shopping," he tried to reason.

"Without us? No way." I dismissed.

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And then with careless abandon to how it might upset him, I asked him again, "Will she come?"

"Not again," he stooped me midway.

"Will she..."

"Will she what," this time he didnt beat around the bush, "She is not dead. Nobody dies just suddenly. But if you believe she has, do it all to the Goddess, please."

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He left.

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I felt better. His outburst had somehow convinced me mom was not dead. So i was back the tyrant again. Awaiting the culprit.

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It was a long wait.
The sun God bade me goodbye, and the moon came to befriend.

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From the crossing, she appeared.. With grace in her walk, and a smile to beam...and with a kind of lovingness that in one second undid all the wrongs that i had been all this while listing..

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Who'd say she had been so long into the 40s...
Except perhaps the laugh lines.
But, that appeared only when she laughed heartily.

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I had warned her against that.

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She was wearing the pure-silk saree.
It was finest silk. Grannie's testimony to mumma's indulgence.

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The story goes that in the late 1960s, decent pure silks were available for Rs 120. The classy ones for 200. But if you wanted the bride-hunters do talking, you wore a 300..to upset would-be brides, a 350...and to left men gasping, a 500.

And upon such times, i am told, mumma had bought this sari for 900.
Even professors were paid 800 then, aunts had added.

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To be continued....

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(December 23, 6:04pm)

IN KASHMIR...

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For the next four days........ will keep you updated..

Too excited to write or share anything at the moment.. you see this was such a childhood dream.... and this comes true on such a special day.. why, dint i tell you? anyway, i'll repost what i told you last year on December 23...

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(December 12, 11:14am)

Finally, the ten thousandth hit.. When I started it, I never had cared for the numbers.. and perhaps that's why I never really shared this blog's id anywhere..

Still, i kept getting the pageviews somehow.. At first, I wasn't amused.. I thought this was intrusion.. I thought I wasn't able to write as effortlessly.. or at least as uninhibitedly.. but then, I started loving them.. felt comforted by them.. and gradually, unknowingly, started waiting for them..

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Thank you everybody who followed my blog and made me feel surrounded, if not always special.. in some way, in some sense, that compelled me to write more often..

Thank you those who liked my posts.. and also those who didn't .. those who appreciated my craft, and those who thought otherwise... those who marveled along with me in my every outburst of joy, and also the ones who thought I was overboard..

Those who made their names apparent, and those who ensconced themselves under a more generic "anonymous"..

Those who felt for me, and those who thought I was obsessive..those who belittled my importance, and those who safeguarded it!

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Your compliments, your comments... your love, your aversion.. all of that have in some sense inspired me to write.. inspired me to think.. and more importantly inspired me to retrospect, the greatest exercise for any writer I suppose!

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Thank you everybody..

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(December 10, 11:58pm)

Thirtyeight more!

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Ain't this childish?

But then thats good no.. a child's mind is still there... with its joys and sorrows... trust and worries.. gales of laughter and then long silences.. big excitement in little things!

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There was a time, I'd keep counting the weeks while a Madhuri Dixit film ran in the cinema halls.. one, then two, then three.. five, six, seven.. once it was eight weeks, id be really happy.. they would print a "Glorious 50 days" in every newspaper!

Announcing that the film is a hit.. it happened that way then... in months...

Im feeling that same pulsating feel again.. one part of my mind is excited.. "Good Lord! It would be 10 thousand hits!"

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The other mind feels inhibited.. "why do you have to write all that?" it keeps asking.. "And why do you have to keep feeling that feel?"

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Com'on.. im not forcing it.. id be forcing, if i forcefully stop it.. but why? isn't a child's mind the best mind.. it chooses love over show.. trifle over the costly... long and powerful attachment over glamour or might!

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(December 10, 3:13pm)

Sixty more to go.. and I'll have 10 thousand hits... But they are coming slower than usual.. may be because there's nothing new to read..

Too entangled at office!

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(December 8, 9:12am)

Extremely hectic times at office till Wednesday next.. Will my pageviews have reached 10k by then?

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(December 6, 9:34pm)

Mom was doing the wardrobe in my dreams this morning... like she would every year, around December.. replacing summer clothes with woolen ones..

The house would be in a mess, until she had finished..

I personally thought that was an irritating task, and one needed to be really patient to do it.. She generally took whole of one evening... while we craved for dinner in a famished wait...

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(December 2, 9:41am)

Waiting eagerly for my 10000th pageview!

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(November 29, 9:03pm)

Even now, Rabindra Sangeet allures all.. I enter her cabin, and the bureaucrat shoots out... "Your caller tune is amazzzing!"

Here's the link..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIGkbW7cAuc

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Or rather, you check this one... though not the original, the subtitles will help you understand..

http://www.youtu.be/watch?v=i-SQif8xWAo&feature=related

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(November 28, 6:23pm)

Obviously you know I'm not good.. I haven't posted for 11 days.. but not all of it had been grey.. like this engineer friend from Xavier's who visited me.. and the lovely food and time we had..

Like i dreamed of mumma on Tuesday night, Nov 22 (it must be Wednesday morning, since i remember sleeping very late that night..).. when she was cooking for my birthday..

But disturbed, that she was cooking only the starters not the main course, I kept shouting at her and nagging her.. with authority, with right.. that every infant feels he's entitled to over his parents, particularly mother.. and which gives him solace, which gives him peace... a feel that in this big world, he's not lost..

I breathed and lived that adulation again.. momentarily.. and only in illusion.. but that feel was real.. your situations can change...people can love you and then desert you.. either on will or in the absence of choice... but the feel remains.. it always does..

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Im having an extremely painful feel.. Apurva says it's over a year, and I cant do like this.. as if this is will, not the absence of choice..

I have this bureaucrat to interview tomorrow.. I already covered this CPI (ex) national secretary... work wise it's good.. but it isn't in any other sense..

How i wish, i had the money and hence the discretion, the "will" to be home... where my anonymity could be my blanket from curious eyes.. where i wudn't have to fake smiles, and "act" all the time.. like Anon 99 thinks I do..

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The winter is adding to my gloom.. badly.. and there's another thing, which i wouldn't write over this blog.. because this is public.. grandmom wanted me to be discreet in public.. mom too...

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Why can't the Goddess be one of those fairies in Grimm's tales.. whose magic changes it all.. for the better.. and for good...

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(November 17, 12:40am)

It's long since I talked to the Goddess.. earlier I used to, every other minute.. in silent prayers.. in child-like indulgences.. that calls out its parents to fulfill his list of desires..

Guess while muma was around, I had more desires.. or one simple, compelling desire.. to live happily... more beautifully.. like every Hansel and every Grathel do, in children's stories..

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I still pray.. in fact more religiously.. and following a regime.. the prayers are in fact offered to each one of the Gods.. including the Goddess..

But, talking was different!

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(November 16, 10:55pm)

A certain Ma'am in office today: "You have a fancy collection of shirts, Anando"

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(November 15, 9:11pm)

It was 14th month on the 14th (yesterday).. Times are changing, feelings aren't.. I knew they wouldn't ever..

It's hectic at office, plus here I do not have any DP to put garlands on, or decorate.. or light a diya.. Did full rounds of prayers, though.. like I do each time..

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(Nov 10, 10:07am)

It was tiring but none the less exciting yesterday.. it feels good when you're sitting next to those anchors and interviewing them, who you have otherwise seen only on screen..

Particularly, Nidhi Razdan (NDTV) i thought could articulate very well.. Shweta Rajpal Kohli and others were good too..

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And yeah, there was Ranbir Kapoor there.. I mean he had come for promotion at NDTV.. and as we crossed the guest parlour to get into the studio, where we needed to photo shoot Nidhi, I chanced to see him..

I alerted my cameraman to click a snap once we were done with Nidhi, but sadly that couldn't happen.. he was gone then.. Anyway.. he wasn't any Madhuri Dixit so how does it matter really..

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It's Kartik Purnima today...

In 2004 i guess i celebrated that..

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(Nov 8, 5:24pm)

One year of meeting the Evil Duke..
Good riddance, is how i'd always remember him..

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Series of interviews lined up for tomorrow.. there's this cover story on women journos, and im a part of that.. will be interviewing Nidhi Razdan and Shweta Rajpal of NDTV.. and hopefully a couple of editors from the Outlook and The Week..

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There's another very interesting meeting lined up.. but can't talk of that now..

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(November 3, 5:19pm)

Looked for houses all day... tiring exercise.. more so, when there was not one to zero on in.. and God, the rent... Go Congress Go...

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Lets see, will check out on Sunday again.. this time im not going wrong.. i need a house thats glamorous.. because, first anything else would make my morose, and second, i seriously plan to start writing.. and i need ambiance...

You might think im so much in for glam quotients.. perception, id say.. it's just like blaming a lame man for using clutches.. while failing to judge how those clutches are integral to his existence..

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Few understand depression in India really..it's generally mistaken for mere mood swing.. just some failure that is bothering your spirits.. and which you can at once overcome by resolving to start afresh..

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If you're prone to depression, there's some absolute dos and donts.. in my case, a glam ambiance.. it really helps me avert it..

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My present house is very glam.. but its just a room in kothi..

I need room, with kitchen and hall..

Let's see.. Get me a house, Goddess..

pls.. like how i have in my home town..

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(October 31, 10:22pm)

Back to Delhi.. with fever and cold..

Looking for a new house..

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(October 29, 9:39pm)

Having some quiet moments here in the hall.. on mom's chair, in the dining space.. at the other end of the hall, the puja is aglow with diyas..

The house looks really good in silk and lace curtains, and sofa spreads.. the tv is on too... though im not really audience..

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Rehman uncle's goat is heard crying aloud intermittently, from the 6th floor backyard.. they will sacrifise it on 7th, upon Bakrid..

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Diwali was gratifying.. There was so much to eat and indulge, besides the company of good friends.. And God's grace, i performed Laxmi Ganesh puja just as observantly and devotedly..

Bharati ji, the maid, too observed puja in her house.. i gave away both money and in kind, for her children...it gives me peace.. it gives everybody peace, when you make those little efforts to make others happy!

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Visited Mrs Ghosh yesterday.. mom's former princi.. the octogenarian Bengali lady who lives in her 7,000 sq ft bunglow in New Dak Bungalow (her husband passed away in 2003, while her only dot is settled in Gujarat with young kids)..

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She's in big fix.. one imposter has cooked up a story that she sold him her bungalow for 20 lacs in 2008.. and that despite she was paid all in cash then, she's not inclined to vacate her place..

He has forged her signatures and everything, and lodged a case in Badh, a faraway village.. where the sessions court has summoned her presence on 16th..

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Can you believe this? Why should she ever sell her house, her dead husband's only memorabilia? And why on earth for 20 lacs? When the actual price runs into crores?

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Anyway, she's been provided round the clock security by the DGP.. and she's determined to fight it out too.. "Let them go any extent, im not running away from my rightful place?" she tells me assuredly..

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Patna has never been safe for us Bongs.. Earlier in 2006, Papiya Ghosh, another single Bong woman, was murdered in broad day light for land-grab..

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Mrs G's story is the talk of the town.. she showed me the paper cuttings.. it's come out in all English and Hindi dailies..plus the regional channels.. HT published it on front page..

You can find one of the reports here http://www.bihartimes.in/Newsbihar/2011/Oct/newsbihar26Oct6.html

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Train to catch tomorrow.. will be resuming work on 31st.. being home is such peace!

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(October 25, 3:29pm)

Reached home.. the maids are doing the house.. i suspect this will take good many hours more.. Bharati ji earlier got the grocery and other things, and washed the clothes..

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Would be going out in the evening to see lights.. it's beautifully decked up everywhere.. have to get the orange kurta altered too..

And of-course, you like to shop too, when such nice "bazaar" is put up everywhere.. make-believe shops, with festive items!

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What did i keep complaining about mom all life? is my economics any better? am i any less wasteful...

Had gone to get a simple puja space spread, but ended up buying entire range of designer curtains, sofa spreads, soft pillows, accounting some 22 thousands!

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Like mom, like son? Not fully.. mom would invest for social causes just equally generously.. im being mean..

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(October 25, 1:26am)

At New Delhi airport now... flight at 7am.. and that means i need to kill six hours here.. without sleep, without comfort..and much less, without knowing what exactly to do..

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It was such nice of Saibal sir to take us for lunch today.. me, one girl and another guy.. Diwali treat, you see..

Went to this place called Shipra mall... some 5 kms from office.. Saibal sir drove.. and God those were the best kebabs there.. we had chocolate fudge ice-cream for dessert..

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Before we were office again, I demanded i'd shop.. i know i wouldnt have time once im home.. din't i list those things-to-do in the last post?

There wouldn't be time to buy clothes.. and since i'd be doing Laxmi puja, thats something essential rather than spree.. plus i thought, the kurta at Fab India was just that made-for-me stuff..

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And you know i like trying these dresses.. even when, like this time the orange one on display, id be too sure which one to take..

But, i did for sometime think the green one was good too, and many others too as i tried one after another..

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Colleagues suggested it would be perfect finish with pair of jeans.. but i told them i'd be doin puja, and i dont like wearing jeans such occasions..

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I eventually got a milky white "churidar" to contrast the kurta in fiery orange..

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Hmm..

six hours you see..

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(October 23, 9:21pm)

So many things lined up.. it's production day at office tomorrow, which means I'll have to hang around till midnight... add to it, I have early morning flight to board (on Tuesday).. and the airport is some 30 km away..

So, what I have planned is, once I am done at office at around 11:30pm, I'll ask the cab to first take me home, where I'll collect the suitcase, and then head for airport..

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But even when I am home (in my native city, on Tuesday late morning), there's gonna be no respite.. It's Deepawali on Wednesday.. and I need to celebrate that.. so Tuesday's gonna be all day of house keeping, house cleaning.. after which I need to shop too..

Bharati ji and co are no doubt sincere and trained.. but you know when it's festival, you can't just pull it on others totally..

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Anyway, I need to pack..

but first let me have dinner, im famished..

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It's not that im all game for Diwali.. like i'd be excited other years.. but the celebration has to be big time.. with sweets and crackers and rituals and new clothes.. everything..

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It's been long since we celebrated.. Hindu rituals demand, you abstain for a year.. and then I missed out on Durga Puja, too... as I went home for the death anniversary thing, and returned just ahead of DP..

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So, here's hopefully having a big Diwali... I don't remember there had ever been such long gaps in celebration.. in rituals.. the house seems bereft of 'faith'...so in some sense its obligatory..

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We bongs mark Kali puja on Diwali.. unlike non-Bengalis who celebrate Laxmi puja.. but I'd go for the latter... Kali puja is elaborate.. and it's difficult for one person to arrange it..

I have widely consulted for the rituals.. and hopefully i'd be able to do it.. Laxmi puja is not all that complex... and then, i have grown up watching grannie doing all that anyway..

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Once I am home I'd catch up again..

Bbbyeee..

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(October 18, 12:04am)

MADHURI DIXIT TURNS BRAND AMBASSADOR OF OLAY!

NOW ISN'T THIS NEWS OF SORTS?

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And yes Duke, I again asked my boss for Diwali holiday...and got it too... full 7 days.. nobody throwing me out of the company..

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(October 16, 11:51pm)

This morning i kept dreaming of muma... and little unusually i would say.. although i had gone to bed rather late, at 3am, my sleep was neither sound nor continued..

And unlike the late-into-the-night sessions, this was early morning thing, which repeated itself at intervals throughout some 2-3 hours..

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Was it something to do with Durga Puja? As i remember muma opening the doors for me one time and another, as i hurriedly popped in and out of our house.. typical of the festive season, when i'd be on toes and keep going out for getting my list of things done...

Am i really missing Durga Puja this big?

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Whatever, those were beautiful moments.. every year as we went about cleaning the house this season- marketing for Puja full in swing- there's was an adventure there.. i could feel that around this morning, albeit illusorily!

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(October 15, 8:42pm)

It was year and a month yesterday.. couldn't do the flowers, but prayed still.. flowers require ambiance, arrangement.. prayers can be abstract...

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(Oct 14, 2:10am)

Tomorrow will be Madhuri's first public appearance... for Emeralds for elephants.. can't wait to see her...

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Click on the picture to enlarge..

this is from her latest shoot!

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(October 9, 11:52pm)

MADHURI DIXIT RETURNS TO INDIA FOR GOOD!

OH, HOW I HAD WAITED FOR THIS!!!

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(October 7, 2:58pm)

Why is my depression back again?
and this forcefully..

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Is it because i dint have that gr8 Durga Puja?

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In so many ways, I'm the idle lover of arts... desiring its reflection in life through festive gaities.. in lively, joyful chatter of friends..

And sometimes just silent, long afternoons.. thinking about times gone by.. living dead moments again... power of recollection mitigating changes impressed upon by time!

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Or is it the going in office that's bothering me? But why? Din't i interview Sameer Ahluwalia just the other day? Why this hollowness, then? Why a feel this is empty splendour, shadowless bliss?

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A strong mind, and a fragile mind...
they both are me..

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I know it's mind over matter.. but there must be reconciliation there.. the dearth of it upsets me, and casts its pallor on me..

Unkindly.. all at once...
Like haughty waves ripping off every footprint on sand!

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But still....
when I write, I feel I am alive..

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(October 6, 9:03pm)

Happy Vijaya Dashami to all,

May Goddess Durga always see you through!

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Sorry for losing touch, had been v busy applying for fellowships.. well, I have decided I won't remain the most illiterate in the family...

It was good experience.. since the applications have to be supported with relevant cover letters, it was lots of reading off late..and then, i re-connected with the ACJ profs for recommendation.. it's good to know they think of me just as fondly.. especially KVK sir, Nishat sir..

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A Bengali colleague had invited me to her place today.. over machher jhol-bhaat (rice and fish).. sacrosanct on Bijoya Dashomi for all Bongs..

It was good time there..

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I had parcelled good food and snacks, sweets for evening... did the house first and then washed.. and then remembered the Gods in prayer.. and mama, of-course, who's always there..

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(Oct 3, 11:52pm)

Will interview Sameer Ahulwalia tomorrow!

Zee Business' Editor!

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(Sep 26, 8:28pm)

Last year, maa's shraaddh (funeral) was held this day.. friends had worked like hell.. more than brothers would do.. and so many ppl had come!

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Back in Del..

joined work today!

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(Sep 24, 9:51pm)

The anniversary rites were observed peacefully.. and warmly.. i felt blessed, and thats important.. that tells you, your wishes are fulfilled, your prayers answered..

And yes, i did something revolutionary.. thanks to the priest, who was not your typical advocate of the old order.. men who discredit conscience, and stifle it too... in abhorable preference for conservatism...

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I shall write about it shortly sometime..

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I had invited only few ppl.. as mom was averse to show, mostly.. but the guests liked and lauded me for the arrangements... particularly the menu.. which they thought was rich in courses, and a bait enough to indulge..

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In the evening, I was off to Ganges.. in that old temple bank.. of Goddess Kali, in the erstwhile courtyard of the Maharaja.. it was a flood of rains, but i had had in mind that i'd distribute supper and money to urchins...

So, i went there regardless... Remember I told you the holy river is pregnant with water this time.. so, none of the 70 or more stairs were visible... only water.. all pervading water.. all-purifying water..

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Of holy Ganges, which liberates souls,

and relieves the dead of all sin!

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I prayed.. in silence.. and against the wind.. and against the sound of gurgling river.. trying to commune, trying to feel a feel that was sacred...

The moon was banished by thick clouds..

but its warmth, penetrated still..

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(Sep 22, 1:13pm)

The first death annv rituals on saturday... and im running against time.. have to do all on my own this time.. my gang of friends being away..

But at least my maids r good.. i can really trust the household chores to them..

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Go Congress Go..

The dinner plates- 150 rs last time- r cuming for 250 rs, and that aftr dropping the dessert.. gr8.. if you give them anthr turn, even Ambanis will be left adjusting budgets...

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(Sep 18, 12:49pm)

When i lit diya in the evening, and over a cup of tea watch the Ganges flow, it's the most beautiful feel! The Holy river would be pregnant with water this time...

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It's good to be home... i don't have to worry about my breakfast.. or the other chores.. the maids, particularly Bharati ji, are there to trust...

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(Sep 14, 11:15am)

In The Times of India's Patna edition today..

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(Sep 13, 2:11pm)

I adjusted my budget from two thousand to four, eyes blinking with sleep inside the aircraft.. But then, once into their office, two hours later, Im comforting myself: "Don't worry... It won't exceed 20 thousands.." "Cheer up, that's five less than 25.. there's this doctrine of negative optimism you invented, remember..."

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I tried doing just that, thinking of between, the burlesque "not at all" to the ToI receptionist.. when shown the routine obituaries.. "It must be a picture with specific content.."

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She asked me to wait, and while she explained to the designer over phone, I prepared myself for the worst arithmetic..

The buckle stopped at 9600, though.. "Yeah, you'd have it as you like.." she assured.. And have it I must.. anything for giving mom the dignity, her place and rank call for..

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I pissed them with design instructions... pointing out the fonts, the italics, the impacts.. twice and thrice the same things..

"Yahan experts baithte hain (Experts are here)... all that is not required," somebody said.. Meanwhile, one glance at the content, and the designer recognised mom.. and from what I understood, he seemed to have fairly good opinion of her.. as a scholar.. I mean he actually discussed this with others around..

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Tomorrow it comes..

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Bharati ji is doing the home.. she'd be done by evening hopefully..

Lets see..

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According to Hindu calendar, we have the death anniversary rituals on 23rd.. But, I'd be praying tomorrow nonetheless..

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(Sep 10, 12:58am)

45 days into the job, and here i get 14-day leave!

Wotsay Duke???

Anyways... chuck the rogue..

Flight to Patna on 13th morning!

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(Sep 6, 10:26pm)

Im so happy.. On mom's b'de there's so many pageviews!

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A packed day @ ofc.. returned only at 9.. But din't I tell you.. sometimes, I can be just as happy in little things..in little arrangements..

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Got a chocolate truffle packed.. and some pizza and pasta too.. Haha.. i was so upset, it wud be too late.. but it wasn't..

Had a lovely dinner at 9:30.. having washed, and doing up the room a lil.. Clicked pics of the cake too, will upload sometime..

"Happy B'de Mom," it read!

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(Sep 6, 00hours)

Happy Birthday, Mom!

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(September 05, 8:20pm)

The Goddess still listens to me... and just as readily, lovingly.. fulfilling each one from the list of my dreams.. and with the love of doting parents!

XXX

It's mom's b'de tomorrow.. and look, there's no house to do.. no presents to buy.. no excuse to shout at the helps and admonish them.. snatch the broom, the plates, and be their willing replacement.. zest for perfection having overridden judgment..

And all this quickening my thoughts...and then filling with dismay.. the weather too was gloomy.. and cold.. and the tv not working.. creating a kind of feel when sweet thoughts bring sad thoughts to the mind... when you want to live old moments again, and then realise they are dead...

XXX

It was desperate feel... But the Goddess dropped her bounty at once.. and as I called.. She does always..

XXX

(August 31, 10:20pm)

The Kashmiri friend.. he dedicated me a song yesterday... on the guitar, and over the phone.. so sweet! He plays beautifully...

I bonded with him readily..and that has to happen readily always.. I cant plan n make friends really..not that I accuse, you do.. but I can't even associate at the workplace, or college..unless it just happens..

The first August end, when Im not on toes.. the room too isn't the usual mountains.. of scraps of papers littered all around.. in hurry, and zestfully.. of plans made, and plans altered.. arithmetics worked, and arithmetics corrected again!

Most often, mom wudn't be affluent this season.. Durga Puja sprees having already begun (she would shop in advance).. and her charities which co-incided..

XXX

But I wouldn't quarrel... the few thousands, and a house of ecstatic plans.. that was all.. between, the worldly need to reconcile the two!

Planning for mom's Birthday (September 6th) was the most beautiful feel ever!

XXX

The next few days,

I'd be remembering each one of them!

XXX

(August 25, 10:17pm)

Thank you ppl... got 33 pageviews today...

19 from India, 14 from US...

Was feeling v cornered... Love you all!

XXX

(August 25, 12:07am)

Why people not reading me at all?

Im gettin' only 9-10 pageviews these days... sigh!

XXX

(August 22, 11:45pm)

Yesterday night (or was it this morning), I dreamed of mumma again.. she was there telling me how to go bout the PF things..

Just the kind of discussions she'd often do... about the files not moving... or payments delayed.. what needed to be done... only thing, I wasn't involved then... it was just hearing out sbd, who needed to talk..

XXX

But the luxury of being audience, now no longer!

XXX

It was such nice feel, feeling her around.. when she's there, i haven't to think of other things..and that's such lovely, nonchalant boyhood!

XXX

(August 21, 8:40pm)

Had a good time with Sauma** and Ank** today... ACJ buddies.. S is holidaying here.. and looking for openings too.. It was lovely meeting both of them!

XXX

(August 20, 3:37pm)

I don't like Anna's cuisine of the Lokpal... Nor do i find him nearly as electrifying.. the la Bose, la Marx statesmanship is nowhere on display..

But so long as this creates fury against Congress, (paving thus the BJP's return; the two camps are directly on war at 300+ seats), I support him!

XXX

But, the line must be drawn between ensuring NDA's return and getting the bill in place... The Bourgeoisie understanding of 'movement' would greet me with ridicule, but intellectual elite would know, the draconian albeit hidden dangers of it (Lokpal) can well become the bigger evil!

XXX

(August 17, 10:25pm)

Who's this person?

He still keeps reading the post "Jhansi ki Rani ends today (June 19, 11:26am)!"

XXX

Still in office..
have to stay back till 12:30 am..

but totally worth it..
I bag a comp-off tomorrow!

XXX

(August 15, 8pm)

15th August wasn't that gr8 today... I woke up late... Not that enthusiasm was missing (though mostly it was), I was indisposed... Every year, I celebrate much zestfully though..

XXX

Last year was the last one with mom...and I had done everything perfectly.. gettin' up before day-break... getting a bath.. cleaning the house.. getting the "kachori and jalebis" from outside.. hoisting the tricolor religiously in every corner of the house..and with mom in attendance, watching DD's live telecast of the day!

XXX

Among other things, I had cooked paneer.. and watched Star TV documentery on the Queen of Jhansi! I guess I had prepared "Chhanar payas" (rasgulle k kheer), too..

XXX

Yesterday was 11 months..and that it would be soon a year, dreads my thoughts.. I wasn't home to do the garlands and all.. or lit the diya.. But I offered prayers here.. prayers are universal... not requiring of space, not requiring of time.. abstract.. and everywhere around.. much like a mother's affection...

XXX

Sometimes I can be very content in little things..and knowing of ways to make the present situation the happiest for me.. so although there wasnt the display pic here, or any vase or any arrangement at all... I clipped a postcard photo of her in the wall.. little above the side table.. and got a bunch of flowers underneath.. It was very happy moment..

XXX

(August 14, 1:30am)

It's been a while I tried being playful.. so, I pop in thru the chat window tonight.. upon this ACJ girl...

"Knock knock... is the plump woman awake?"

Her instant reply is,

"Fuck off... else ill send you a raakhi"

XXX

(August 10, 5:41pm)

I Protest Yahoo!

XXX

Yup, I was taken aback too..when I came across few complaints in Yahoo's news forum, which accused the channel of selective judgment, while choosing comments for display..

I experience it, today!

XXX

Well, there was this post on Actress Nayanthara who converted to Hinduism... Netizens had flooded the space with rude comments, deriding not just her decision to convert, which I suppose is her personal prerogative, but mocking at Hinduism altogether.. most of them suggesting (at the time I read the post) the fold is false, and would only take her to the eternal fire in hell!

http://in.omg.yahoo.com/news/south-indian-actress-nayanthara-changes-religion-070719367.html

XXX

And mind you, their views and their language were extreme.. In fact, I was baffled how could Yahoo not filter them..

XXX

Anyway, as a staunch believer of my faith, I decided to contest the views.. and stand up for my faith..

XXX

Surprisingly, it was my much toned-down remark which was instantly deleted..and all I had written was just a few argument disagreeing with the Abrahamic belief that polytheists would end up in hell, and that they, without the monotheist saviour, are not worth anything at all!

XXX

Sick, I must tell you...somebody equating Hindu Gods with dogs were allowed publication, but my logical defence of polytheist faith and its practices were withheld!

XXX

Anyway, I'm publishing that very comment here over my blog; have a read!

XXX

For all those who are claiming that Christianity spread through voluntary consent of people, a few words..

If you had the panoramic knowledge of world religions, you would know that there had been one thousand years of persecution of the non-Christians, beginning from Theodosius's decrees..

The followers of Hellenic, Celtic, Roman traditions were usurped into the Christian fold coercively; dissenters burnt and temples torched...

Just google "decline of paganism," and you'll know...Even now, the small minority there who are trying to reconstruct their old faith are lebelled as followers of witch cult, and harassed!

XXX

As for ISKON converting Christians into Hinduism, it's the case of a kettle calling the pot black... The efforts of ISKON, if at all any, can be regarded as isolated and sporadic; and is no match to the century-old organised tactic of the missionaries to convert tribals en-bloc!

XXX

As for Jesus being the saviour of the earth and mankind, I respect your faith... And I do absolutely believe that you have every right to practise your faith publicly and without being subject to any element of prejudice or malice...

But dude, there are billions others who do not regard Jesus as their saviour, although they revere Him truly..Count me..

Such people world over are doing well in their lives, and well without having the compulsion to bow down and plead the mercy of Jesus!

XXX

Why then the need to project Him as mandatory saviour of even the non-Christians, and assert that there cannot be salvation without His interference?

XXX

Hinduism, and the other pagan religions of the ancient world which the church subjected to holocaust, have predated the birth of Jesus and seen exemplary civilisations flourish!

How do you explain that? The Roman Empire, the Greeks, the Vedic Civillisation, the Pyramids, Cicero, Plato, Alexander, Shushurut, Patanjali, all made their mark with the blessings of their Pagan Gods!

XXX

It is the Abrahamic holy books- all due respect to them- which ignore such sagas of greatness and mock upon other Gods as false, trying also to incite fear among men by suggesting that idol-worshipers would rot in the eternal fire in hell!

XXX

It's better you do more contemplation on the issues and approach it with less prejudice and more rationale!

This is 21st century...Let tolerance alone be the Geeta/Bible/Koran of our lives, and guide our conduct..Regards to everybody!

XXX

(August 8, 2:04 pm)

Legalising homosexual marriages (New York).. more and more space to gays and lesbians... end of prejudice to live-in-relationships, sex outside marriage... treating live-in-partners on equal footing with married women.. growing tolerance to PDAs..

Goodness! where are we heading?
Such "development" must be nipped in the bud!

XXX

(August 1, 12:21am)

It's risky signing any of his papers..im a novice afterall... any slip-back would mean, he could "usurp" lawfully...

So i think of a plan... here goes my sms on that number.. "Dear Mr PS...pls send across your email id..i'll mail my address.. unable to sms, there's space constraint.. Regards, Anando Bhakto.."

XXX

Obviously, I'd write a stern letter, whereby, Id (1) make a mention of last year's forgery.. (2) Clearly state i do not wish any reinvestment, and (3) issue a warning that, any attempt to take away any share of the amount would invite prosecution..

And also cc that to 10-12 relevant ppl..

XXX

Damn it..he sees through it... so he calls up again..after 20 mins,.. wch is to say, after consultations with "Him"...Obviously, Mr PS would ask me to dictate the address, while he noted down..thus killing any chance of any written communication..

XXX

But i see through it as well..

and do not take the call...

XXX

But what now?

Well... spoke to the SC law assistant... he said he'd talk on my behalf to Mr PS tomorrow..and "handle" it....Lets watch out..

XXX

(July 31, 11:54pm)

The policy matures on 7th; climax building up... I get an anon call today..it was "his" adviser at the other end.. He tells me he needs my signatures on some paper, as the policy is due next week..

XXX

I laugh to myself...as I have already seen through the trick.. somebody who could go to the extent of forging my signatures for a 75k cheque, will willingly give away a bigger amount?

No ways.. the adviser would just put consolation money in my account, and get the remaining recircled....

XXX

He thought i'd be a fool enuf to believe that, that petty amount was the entire sum..since i do not have any papers..

XXX

Foolish..while in Patna, I hv already got the sum plans issued thru the SC law assistant..my friend..and know exactly, what the amount was..

XXX

"Okay..so you'd credit XYZ amount into my account?" I shoot...

Mr PS is dumbfounded... for seconds or few, there's just not any sound at all..

XXX

He wouldnt have imagined, i knew how much it was..and that spoils his plan of givin me a trifle,makin' me believe it was all, and recycling thereby the lion's share of the booty!

XXX

"Umm..anhh..once you sign, it will be reinvested for your future!"

This time there's apparent lack of confidence...he sounds like a crestfallen commander, whose war-plans have gone suddenly astray..

XXX

"Main apne financial transactions apne advocate se poochhkar karta hoon (thats to be decided by my advocate)..I tell brusquely..

But he attempts again, "Aap chahe to kuch aapke acc me jaayega, baki reinvest hoga..aap secure rahenge future mein" (Well, you cud get some, rest would be reinvested..your future would be secure)..

XXX

I was about to laugh, somebody who had had no contributions to either my past or even my present, was there talking about my future...

"I told you, my advocate would know better!"

XXX

"oK give us ur address in Del, we'd send somebody..."

"I'll tell you evening.."

"Bbye"

XXX

(July 30, 2:34pm)

"For rigorous teachers seized my youth,
And purged its faith, and trimm'd its fire,
Show'd me the high, white star of Truth,
There bade me gaze, and there aspire...
Even now their whispers pierce the gloom,
What dost thou in this living tomb?"

Matthew Arnold

XXX

(July 28, 10:31pm)

At one moment, I want to interview Prabhu chawla...do big stories...move around..conquer the world..

A war-hero's determination guiding me..

And the other moment,

I want to just perish..

XXX

(July 26, 10:35pm)

The Kashmiri friend says, Rhea is v nice..Rhea said, im genuinely nice...i thought anon is nice...but Anon now thinks im not nice..btw, the Kashmiri says im still nice..

XXX

Nanaji's death anniversary today..till 1998, there would be pooja and "bhog" at grannie's place..when in primary school, we would bunk in order to attend..and have the delicious khichdi.. with cousin..

In 1998, the last one, mom had pressed upon me to go school..but i had missed the bus and attended hence... last year, I was in Chennai this day...for ToI interview!

XXX

(July 26, 12:51am)

Met the Kashmiri friend yesterday (24th evening).. at Select City Walk... the one who had come to ACJ, among others...

He needed some help for the job..he quits the current one on 31st... he told me, I was very "polite" and good-natured..

XXX

Hope he doesn't change his viwes..and tell me one day, Im faker than even Pamela Anderson's boobs!

XXX

(July 22, 12:23pm)

There are so many of them, obsessed with their body..always hitting the gym and toning muscles... they aint vain...but if im bothered about my face and my hair-do, im vain..how?

XXX

(July 22, 11:03am)

I still haven't come to terms.. were those brusque lines written really by Anon99? or was that somebody masquerading...

Masquerading..i know that wasn't... but that gives you false reassurance.. reminds me of The Postmaster..the short story by Tagore..

XXX

(July 21, 5:43pm)

Dint have anything all day...and strangely, dont feel hungry either.. only one line reverberates, "You are faker than even Aishwarya Rai!"

XXX

Now at Rajiv Chowk.. will go wth him to some agent in Noida.. he finds us a place today... but yes, without food im totally listless..

XXX

Rejection is a terrible feel..

XXX

(July 21, 2:58pm)

This person has said i always brag, and make display of my affluence..How unreasonable!

XXX

Tell me one occasion when i've bragged.. in fact i know so many ppl who brag all the time, despite their limited qualification..i do not confront even once.. or try bullying them with my achievements..

XXX

As for the blog, i have always maintained im seeking contemplation here.. to abate my depressions... and how do you call it bragging? do i not write about my scarcities as well? about my bankruptcy, about my near starvation?

XXX

It's just self-counselling...still, you call me names.. call me faker than Aishwarya Rai..

XXX

There r so many ppl who wud make gmail status signature, carrying their blog ids... just to advertise.. did i ever do that? whoever follows me, has found me on his own effort... and then you allege im advertising? how?

XXX

(July 21, 2:43pm)

He/she would have thought, how will that matter anyway? I'd dismiss him for her rude comment... give a piece of my mind... and bid ungracious adieu..

PPl generally think im tht..

wrong..

XXX

I still hv the b'de gift papers, treasured in my cupboard..

birthdays as early as in 1993!

XXX

(July 21, 2:32pm)

Still lying in the bed..

curtains all drwan..

XXX

This person has said, Im so fake that he/she has started liking even Aishwarya Rai better..

XXX

And there was this Rhea Gail Lobo in r college, who had once told me over the local train, "I was telling mom yesterday, some people are so genuinely nice!"

XXX

Rhea, who i rarely spoke to, thought i was genuine..and this person who i so much believed, says im faker than even Aishwarya Rai!

XXX

(July 21, 12:53pm)

People love me,

and then they leave me!

XXX

(July 21, 12:52pm)

Feeling miserable.... got a very rude comment today... from somebody i had lot of affinity for... i dont feel like eating up or doing anything...

i just feel like running away home.. and lock myself up in the dark rooms.. Where all my shortcomings would go unnoticed.. or at any rate unrecognised..

XXX

God's mercy, that this should be my day off....

XXX

Nobody would love me ever... or care for me... im sick... im strange.. deserving of only censure..

XXX

When ill have lots of money, ill go and live in the meadows... amid the streams... amid the pastures.. the wind emitting love all around.. and nobody to put scorn.. nobody to frown!

XXX

(July 18, 8:56pm)

In train now... leaving home was difficult.. but im treading carefully... this Rajdhani AC I coach is one such step to keep depression away..

XXX

And then, im not alone this time... mom's here... i have packed everything... her clothes... her accessories.. the mobile phone.. the books.. the prayer books.. Bhagwad Geeta.. the stone studded bangles.. titan raga watch..

XXX

Its a huge luggage... 3 XL American Touristers, plus the hand baggage..

XXX

TSI is givin me stay... at one of Saket's posh guest houses... i hope i'd have found something before 25th!

XXX

Pra*****, the lieutenant friend, came to pick me in his car...

A*********, the doctor, came too...

One person and two cars..the choice was hard to make... somehow i obliged the doctor.. Atul was there too..

XXX

(July 18, 8:37am)

Quite a good response to season I... the total pageviews stand at 543 at 2 weeks.. which is some 39 pageviews per day..

A steep increase of 16-17 from the regular avg of 22-23!

XXX

(July 17, 10pm)

DUKE'S DEVILRY

Season I, Finale

XXX

This webplay is a work of fiction; any resemblance to anybody dead or alive is co-incidental, and is deeply regretted!

XXX

"Ploy Sabotage"

XXX

The duke is totally offensive now.. every canon of decency is dared.. he openly lampoons us, abuses us...

and for every explanation or retort we give,

he has to somehow bring in the college...

and create an impression, that all its pupil are "eat-drink-and-sleep-around" types... who shudnt have either place or respect in civil society!

XXX

Ms Oppressed's pages are said to be devoid of all aesthetics.. I do not know the basic spellings...and neither of us have even minimum level of efficiency..

XXX

And on the top of it, for every minor error, he screams out, "What has KV* extracted 2 lacs for?"

Yeah.... some 25 times he told me that..

(i stopped counting thereafter!)

XXX

At first I thought, these were usual terror tactic... so that we might put in our papers and leave... soon I realise, there was more!

XXX

Read on..

XXX

Im baffled for last few days... after im done with the page and take print outs, the tags go missing..

my sub-editor friends would know there's a separate tag to be used with each of reporter's name..and strapline.. and headline.. picture credit.. the caption..and so on..

XXX

Although, id do that while editing itself, when i take print-outs, all these would be without the proper tags..

XXX

Forcing me thus, to rework on it again, and at the nth hour..

and with the duke shouting from behind:

"If you had given those 2 lacs to even a zilla school, they would have filled something inside your head at least..........."

XXX

Now the thing is, im very organised..i may have 100 other shortcomings, but when it comes to work im totally sincere... and i employ good method to the work too..

So im beginning to smell rat gradually..

but then..first, its not in my nature to blame unless im sure.. and second, even after rampant abuses, i hadnt been able to preempt a "sabotaging" of that nature!

XXX

Anyway...here's where the duke faltered.. had he done this to only 1 of us, we wouldnt get an inkling..

But he tried on both..

XXX

So one fine evening, Ms O tells me... with lot of ambiguity in her own mind... "There's something strange... I put the tags correctly everyday... and everywhere required.. but somehow it goes missing!"

XXX

I turn my face with almost a hopping impact.. her eyes widen... i make a flutter with the hand and hit my head.... her eyebrows tighten... and we both guffaw in disgust..

XXX

We are making a list diligently... and religiously everyday... to list all the tampering this "foul-mouthed-irritant" would do to our pages...

and then take us to task for the same..

and abuse our professors for the same!

XXX

Even while typing this my blood is boiling...

that *astard...

XXX

I do not have either time or space to produce his misadventures everyday.. so for a sample, let us take January 31 randomly.. and see what all tampering he did to my page..

XXX

A story titled, Students of MCOAHS given farewell becomes Students of MCOHS given farewell!

A headline, Decision on property tax deferred becomes Decision property tax deferred!

Quotation marks from one of the infoboxes (which was mandatory) disappear!

Two brieflies, which he himself had copy-edited, and the word limit of which he himself had decided, and which he had even approved to be pasted on the page, are shrinked by 20 words...without rhyme or reason...

Thus creating a hollow space of 3 inches in the side bar.... at 11pm.... with the deadline too stipulated at 11pm!

Besides, a briefly titled Munde calls for stir, becomes, Munde class for stir!

And of-course the byline tag in at least three stories go missing!

XXX

And then the same nauseating stuff:

"What did KV* extract 2 lacs for?"

XXX

You know what, he should be dragged to the roundabout and shown the middle finger!

XXX

And now comes the climax.. the duke goes on leave in the new year weekend.. and before he departs, he instructs the bandit (who would be heading the shift) to employ the same tricks!

XXX

Never he would have thought this would backfire so badly!

XXX

Now it so happens, bandit is exact specie of the duke...but minus the brains.. so while the duke would cleverly delete only the tags.. verbs...or spellings... the bandit deletes the entire headline!

Lol!

XXX

Night of January 1, 2011

XXX

Ms O suddenly realises, that one of the major stories in her page is without the headline.. and this, at 11pm... when she was about to take the print out!

XXX

Her endurance gives up...

she shoots heads on.. "Sir, suddenly the headline disappears?"

XXX

The bandit is dumbfounded for a second...

but the next moment, he's the lion heart..

"Huh... where is the headline?"

"Huh... dont you know there's a headline in each story?"

"Huh... werent you taught?"

"Huh... you stupid... gave KV* 2 lacs for nothing!"

XXX

Ms O's face is red... eye balls aint moving... breaths coming out with deafening sound.. and then.. "Thats exactly what i want to know... where's the headline?"

XXX

"How dare you.......... You SHAMELESS woman from *CJ!"

XXX

"Dont talk to me like that.."

"Shut up you SHAMELESS WOMAN.........."

XXX

"If i had forgotten the headline, i would have been caught in the copy editing stage itself!"

"Shameless *CJian"

XXX

"Which means i had put the headline very much there"

"Shameless woman!"

XXX

"Which means the headline must have been removed at a later stage"

"Shameless!"

XXX

End of Season I

XXX

So how would Ms O react now?

Slap him?

Show him the middle finger?

Or run out crying?

All that and more in Season II

XXX

Goodbye and Thank you!

XXX

(July 17, 10:58am)

Leaving for Del tomorrow...

Work begins wednesday...

XXX

House rent here: advance paid till Sep

Society maintenance: adv paid till Sep

Cable again till Sep..

Servants too!

XXX

Still to find a stay in Noida.. the agents have discussed few options, though..will check them out.. If im takin a society apartment, i cant afford a furnished one..

The unfurnished itself is for 13k..

XXX

There's this furnished 1bhk in independent villa... with proper kitchen and hall.. ac, tv too.. but it's not society apartment..

XXX

If i werent having depressions, id have settled for sth in 6-7k... on PG basis.. but i need max comfort and privacy...thats the cure..

XXX

Let's see..

XXX

(July 16, 10pm)

DUKE'S DEVILRY

Season I, Webisode VI

XXX

This webplay is a work of fiction; any resemblance to any person dead or alive is co-icidental, and is deeply regretted!

XXX

oKay..i was mentally ill.. yeah you heard right.. sometime around December that was..latest of duke's ploys..

XXX

It so happened, somebody spotted me reading in library.. but since the book in the desk was too small, he dusnt notice it..

jumps to conclusions.. and tells Mr Buddha Hoga Tera Baap i was talking to myself..

Mr BHTB passes this on to the duke... and they together piss Ms O with their no end of questioning on my sanity levels!

XXX

"Does A has problems?" BHTB puts it straight..

Ms O was like, "What???"

"Hello??"

"Have you boozed too much????"

XXX

Anyway we think of a ploy to clear the air.. and as decided, Ms O shoots one evening... "There's some talk bout you talking....to urslf?"

I instantly react with the prepared stuff.. with all those OMG smileys at once.. and the blink blink, oh im-heated-all-under-the-collar expressions!

Followed by veneer of anger..and then suitable explanation...

and this all, before ppl to watch!

XXX

It worked...when the crowd there actually gets to hear the whole stuff, they were like.. they had this roller coaster laugh!

XXX

Save the duke though!

XXX

He sees in it another ploy...how nice it wud be na, if this Nazi skul pass out can be proven crackpot, and thereby thrown out!

XXX

The bandit is Sent out again..numerous times...and to all those ppl who had bought my explanation and were satisfied...

XXX

Rampant rumour mongering...fabricated stories... invented incidences go on..im spotted on all the wrong places..on all the wrong times.. even when id be quietly sitting at the desk!

Monday i speak to the walls,

Tuesday the windows..

Wednesday the flower pot in the reception,

and Thursdays, anyway, i date the canteen utensils!

XXX

And you know what.... wherever id go, duke wud come following me...

Just to prove these weren't rumours.. that he had actually witnessed!

XXX

And at least on two occasions, he followed me to even the loo~!

But thankfully, stories of my talking to the toilet seat didnt crop up!

So generous of the duke~!

XXX

Anyway...

lets move to their "Ploy Sabotage!"

XXX

Or should we have it on the finale..

tomorrow 10pm

XXX

(July 15, 9:58pm)

An ACJian friend is in town..Going for lnch with her.. tomorrow!

XXX

(July 15, 9:55pm)

It was 10 months yesterday..

XXX

This time, the ambiance was more bejewelling.. I have got this beautiful lamp over the display pic.. and bunches of artificial flowers too..

In the green pot.. which contrasts the bottle green curtains..

XXX

it's time to leave..

i wouldnt be around to put natural flowers every time..

XXX

Still, I got the tuberose garland..

but no roses..

XXX

There were those daisy (or may be sth akin)..

in fiery oranges!

XXX

(July 15, 9:37pm)

My amnesia prob just dusnt seem to go..and dont assume it's only a minor thing..happening periodically..given that i don't write about it too often..

I have been advised not to..

XXX

Was speaking to the agents..a few of them..for the flat in Noida.. and im just not able to remember the names.. or the nature of the properties discussed..

I have to scroll all the names in my cell..and it's only upon seeing them that i can recall.. and then there wud be so many other names there, that i just cannot recall..

XXX

In Mangalore, it was worse.. the other day, there, I wasnt even able to remember my lawyer's name..can you imagine?

still other day, I had no clues about my room-mate's name..I had to scroll for that even..

XXX

What do i do/

And you know I had this amazing memory..just last week, Thu****, an acjian friend, rings me up askin for a certain name in certain anecdote.. which Na**** mam had discuseed in Identities class..

Incidentally, nobody had been able to recall.. and it was then that N***il, another ACJian friend, suggested he contacted me..

XXX

And I actually replied in a second..

Correctly..

XXX

Which tells me Im not remembering the recent incidents..after the September thing..

XXX

(July 14, 10pm)

There wont be any webcast of Duke's Devilry today,

inconvenience caused is regretted!

XXX

Catch Webisode VI on Saturday 10pm,

Season's finale on Sunday 10pm..

XXX

(July 13, 11:07pm)

Two years since ACJ... How time flies!

XXX

There I was outside my hotel... gulping the sandwich, in awful hurry to col!

via, Park Town...

my first stint with local trains..

XXX

The orientation..the profs.. the ice-breaking.. and this hell lot of ppl out there.. !

XXX

I tried the black shirt first..then the blue... and settled for the T instead.. Oh! Im always so conscious bout everything... A99 rightly reminds, I shudnt..

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In the lunch, I wetted the hanky and rubbed my face vigorously.. so in the new period, before the new prof, I aint be lookin' jaded!

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Bindoo Ma'am it was!

The first afternoon module..

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(July 12, 10pm)

DUKE'S DEVILRY

Season I, Webisode V

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This webplay is a work of fiction; any resemblance to any person dead or alive is co-incidental, and is deeply regretted!

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Finally this happens.. Evil Duke gets tired.. and afterall why not? He abuses us, we keep quiet.. he frames us, we keep quiet.. he sullies our college's name, we still do not react.. he makes sexual jibes, we smile and concentrate back on work!

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So he has a new formula.. He stops cooperating at work..and goes full length rumour mongering about **ruta **atnal (an *CJian reporter sending us stories for, say, the XYZ page)!

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Oh! we will be heated up all under the collar..call her up... tell her all that he told.. she will weep.. we will console..and he wud have great pleasure...

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Uncle.... ppl have other works out there too!

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Anyway, so here it goes!

Evil Duke, Take 1..

"Sir, what do you say this headline is okay?"

Duke (with that expression of the exploited, mostly found in Nirupa Roy's face): "Why does *itta *acob with three years experience get 17 thousands, while *CJ greenhorns get 30 thousands?"

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Hmmm .... why not ask the management sir (words not spoken)..

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Evil Duke, take 2

"Sir, shall this be a DC pic?"

Duke (Imagine he was smokin', and he puffs it out on ur face...how he must have desired to do that anyway): "Why does **ruta **atnal stay alone in Puna?"

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Evil Duke, Take 3

"No idea,Sir.. Sir is a strapline needed here?"

Duke: "Why is **ruta **atnal not workin in home town?"

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Evil Duke, Take 4

"Sir, it's 10:45.. can I have the lead story?"

Duke (perceive a fake bewilderment): "So who is **ruta **atnal staying with in Puna?"

(And guys I tell you, he wasnt looking for her female PG mate's name here).....

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Evil Duke, Take 39

"Sir, shall I shrink the story more?"

Duke (With that cocky smile of his): "So how do her parents know she aint into any wild things there?"

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"BoseDK uske baap ko problem nahi hai, tere ko kyun problem hai......." I chewed the words...and the goof that he was, he couldnt lip-read me either!

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Then, I thought it was just antics..now I know, it was a definite and premeditated effort to show us in wrong light... us *CJians..

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You know what, he wud want everybody else to believe we are debauch.. that's his idea of self-satisfaction...

Sick!

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Anyway..his obsession with **ruta **atnal doesnt end here.. now he has another ploy.. he will keep her stories pending...delay the particular page..then ring up *angalore.. and tell them because **ruta dint send her stories timely, the production got messed!

Can you believe this?

For long time he actually manages to do this cleverly.. infact even we two were miffed up with **ruta.. specially when we had always known her as punctual and professional, while in college..but thanks to some FB conversations, the truth is out soon..

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And then we had this list of some 6-8 occasions, when **ruta did send her stories timely.. and this imp hid it in his basket..kept everybody waiting.. sabotaged the production.. and then rung up *angalore again to pass the guilt to **ruta!

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In fact when we still do not react to it, (how he would have loved that maimed expression contouring our faces all over) he comes and tells Ms O particularly:

"Hey listen..there had been an enquiry why XYZ page is getting delayed everyday.. I replied in two words... **ruta **atnal!"

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Sick, I tell you sick!

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(July 12, 4:12pm)

There is this June 19 post.. called "Jhansi ki Rani ends today...."

I dnt know who's this person..he reads that everyday.. everyday i'll have 1-2 pageviews of that post, necessarily..

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(July 12, 12:07am)

Ever since the webisodes, I 've had my best pageviews.. 331 over eight days.. which comes to some 41 a day..

But not all are equally liked.. like, while webisode I was an instant hit, the second one bombed badly.. third one could be called above average..while the forth again is big hit!

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(July 11, 8:08pm)

Aamir's shit is hit..

watched Delhi Belly wth friends today!

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(July 10, 8:51pm)

Bharati ji, who I have reassigned the house-keepin' n all..and whom im paying a handsome daily allowance, was overjoyed today..

"(With the money) Im gettin' party food for the kids every day.. Friday, I cooked them kheer and poori... and today, chicken..."

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Im happy for her... whenever mumma would see the poor happy, she'd be happy.. and she'd always try to add on to that..with money.. with laughter..

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(July 10, 8:44pm)

Chandanji had just come..

for the final signatures and all..

"You're sure this won't land me any trouble?"

"Come'on...the LICs are your...the claimant is you!"

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(July 10, 3:49 pm)

Stay tuned for webisode IV...

Sunday special.... Chamku Aunty arrives!

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(July 09, 10:37pm)

Okay... the battle ground is laid... im applying for duplicate sureties.. the LIC ones.. I told you na, he wudnt ever return the originals.....

R has introduced his advisor to me, who's handling the paperwork.. we needed 4 "Jamaanatdars" to stand guarantee..

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Mr M volunteered to be one...

R arranged the rest three..

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The affidavits and the petition were readied today.. The advisor files it Monday.. God, there are so many risks involved.. "His" agent, through whom the LICs were issued in 2004, is a powerful one...

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I hope he dusnt get an inkling till the surrendered amount is credited..into my acc..

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Even thereafter, there would be risks..

lets contemplate what all?

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Case I.. "He" calls me up.. and alleges of fraud (ironically after robbing mom's 16lac-worth share of the land, and also counterfeiting my signs last year..and getting away with 75k... guess there are too many dukes that live!)..

Well, Id simply forward the call to my HC advocate, in that event..

And anyway, the LIC s are in my name..im just gettin the duplicate papers done..

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But if he gets into a legal imbroglio, then?

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The advisor says he's phrasing the petition such ambiguously that there would be rooms to prove I had lost the bonds at his place..and he had falsely not returned it..

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But I must have other defences ready, right?

Okay... so one defence would be, Id file a complaint too... of the last year's deceit.. and that would persuade him to backtrack, hopefully..

If that doesn't work, I'd approach the ********ans... the influential family friends.. they would handle that comfortably, I guess..

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Will he actually go such lengths..I dont know.. anything can be possible...im too sceptical now... wud i ever have known, while I was in ACJ.. that he would actually be such mean to me.. God, he used to call me 4-4 times a week!

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This Lieutenant friend came to meet me today..he's on a 7-day holiday here.. he'd been telling me, the land in Bihar Samiti has shot up to 50 lacs a kattha (1250 sqft)..

I calculated mom's share..

16lac 50 thousands..

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Anyway..it's useless crying over spilt milk..i cannot prove the usurpation anyway..

Id be gettin 32k in TSI... barely enuf to pay for the rents for the two apartments.. im including the Delhi apartment too..

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If i weren't havin depressions, I could have gone for PG... but i know the cure... it has to have a high rise apartment... with wall hangings all around.. mumma's pics.. the lamps beneath them.. silk curtains.. sofas.. crystal chandeliers..

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(July 07, 10pm)

DUKE'S DEVILRY

Season I, Webisode III

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This Webplay is a work of fiction; any resemblance to anybody dead or alive is co-incidental, and is deeply regretted!

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Convinced that the sexual jokes could neither imperil us nor distract us, the Evil Duke looks for other options.. he turns meaner..... and he schemes relentlessly with the bandit..

Thinking of ways to sully our names.... and malign *CJ...

seemingly his only purpose in life..

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Money is foremost expedient to arising envy, the Duke (Below left) knew that well... So he gets the bandit to leak our pay packages at once..to reporters..to accountants..to ad guys... everybody..

And that was brilliant ploy.. people's disposition to us changes almost instantly.. our credentials are questioned.... we are pet named "A*J cry-babies" ... we are called mama's boys.. and all this, relentlessly... acrimoniously.....

The Evil Duke himself had the audacity to tell us repeatedly that we were earning our butter rather than bread...

In fact the other day, when i got my first pay letter, he tells me disdainfully "Eh..look.. ur butter has come!"

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Assured that the initial bonhomie in office is replaced by injected envy, the Duke tries ploy 2.. the editorial gets a make-over..

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Welcome to the Duke's new fish market... this crappy fellow starts encouraging office rowdies to gang up in the editorial ... and do as much "hulla tamasha" as they desired...

pagination people... teleprinter people.. electricians.. generator persons... canteen persons... and who not.. every dam person was influenced by the duke to push in a chair and talk relentlessly inside that 10 by 10 chamber..

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Just imagine the situation... some 14-15 chairs inside it.. and all rowdies grouping up together against us.. there wouldnt be space to move.. and we wouldnt be able to concentrate at all.. specially when all that Kannada talk was very much directed in our ridicule..

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Okay i dont understand Kannada.. but if the word *CJ crops up every second minute.. followed by phrases like "just a certificate".... "all pomp".... "braggarts on holiday",... "well-off rowdies"... and supported by immediate jeers and catcalls... then i obviously dnt need an Einstien's brain to find out what they meant...

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Ms Opressed would feel so uncomfortable, that she'd walk out and kill time elsewhere.. hoping they would be gone...

while on the one hand he wouldnt let us work, on the other, when we'd leave cabin helplessly, he would prompt people to comment "hi fi stuff.." "break ke baad" and thousand other shit..

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So one fine evening we give them a piece of our mind... and tell them they aint welcome.. no direct talk...but definite and disagreeable indications..

I now realise we had only walked the trap..thats exactly what the duke wanted..to prove to people we were haughty..

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And the funniest thing was Ms O or Mr A will never be the lone players.. he'd use everything en bloc and lampoon *CJ as community...

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If i were haughty, all *CJians were haughty...

If i were indisciplined, all *CJians were indisciplined...

If I were fraud, all *CJians were fraud..

If i were wearing pink speedo (i swear i do not), all *CJians were wearing pink speedo...

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Gawd.... im telling you, he's the only one in his lot!

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Anyway.. after we made our disapproval apparent.. he went around telling people, the two marauders from Nazi school are so class conscious that they dont allow others to even enter the editorial...

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They treat people from other departments with contempt... belittle them... make fun of their clothes.. and sneer at their middle income etiquette..

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"Thakta nahi tu?" sometimes I felt like asking him..

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Anyway...having won us many adversaries, the Duke now goes "fulltoosh" abusive...

He calls us the other day, and shows this group photo from Facebook..or may be the desktop... and pointing to this girl, asks us if we knew her..

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And then explains how she had been a bad addict..had to be taken for rehabilitation umpteen times... still not cured...

How her upbriging, a rich upbringing, was responsible for it all...and then of-course the rich daddy and their spoilt children narratives.. which i really do not have either time or the energy to reproduce..

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And then all at once he explodes laughing...

That crazy vibrator one..

We ask him flummoxed,

"why whats wrong?"

"No, nothing"...

"She aint addict"

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"Then why tell us she an addict?"

Ghheghee gheh hee heh heh..ghegh gheh ..ghe ghe gheh..

"Because she's also from *CJ..."

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Ghheghee gheh hee heh heh..ghegh gheh ..ghe ghe gheh..

your senior.. 2009 batch...

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Ghheghee gheh hee heh heh..ghegh gheh ..

"Used to be under me in Bangalore.. before I arrived here.."

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Ghheghee gheh hee heh heh..ghegh gheh ..ghe ghe gheh..

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Such has been his hatred for *CJ..

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Next Webisode

Sunday 10pm

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