(Nov 28, 11:33am)

Hi..

How have you been?

Was very busy writing an editorial... they made 19 remarks on the first draft.. and I needed to revise it meticulously... which also meant I had to do some rapid reading of a few books again..

It's for a well-known foreign policy news outlet..

I was recommended by this editor... the political editor of Egypt's largest selling English daily.. Earlier, I had interviewed him for my own research-paper..

And he thought I was quite well-informed on the Arab Spring.. so, when I showed him few of my story pitches, he immediately got the Middle-East editor of this news outlet to talk to me..

... and publish my piece..

XXX

Haven't yet totally unpacked the suitcases and travel bags... Lot of things to do... wanting to do some reporting assignment in Kashmir..

And then I also need to keep the talks rolling with the 3-4 organisations I have approached.. Actually, I had approached five or six of them, but not everybody agreed to my demand that they would allow me to join only in Jan end..

But with three of them, the talks are rather at an important stage...

Hope things turn out well..

XXX

(Nov 20, 8:18pm)

Getting to talk to a lot of friends.. here from home... spoke to my junior from Xavier's... it was such fun...

Have got the house cleaned and all... wardrobe is nearly done, too... a lot of winter wears, which I washed myself... and which was a little strainful, since we do not have a washing machine..

But then, if mum could do it for me till the very autumn of her life, why can't I myself.. importantly, I should do that to my kids, when I grow older...

There is power in examples... in good examples... and in love.. and in attachment.. when your ageing mother cares for you, and nurses you.. from the very dawn to late in the night, it's not physical stamina..

It's vigour borne out of deep emotion...

XXX

Got a call from another possible employer... the editor of a well-known magazine.. he tells me, if i wish to join them as correspondent, I must spend some time at the desk... which is not very unusual for magazines to demand..

But their desk is, then, in Cochin... Do you suppose I go back south?

And then, I can't miss covering the elections next year... that's one of the agendas..

XXX

It's cold in Patna.. but not so much as in Cardiff... Okay, let me get another cup of tea... have a great time!

XXX

(Nov 17, 3:54pm)

Missing N#$al@%...My flat mate from Cyprus.. In her absence, I don't feel like 20 anymore...

I mean while she was there, she'd always tell me I look 20...

Here, back in India and home, nobody thinks I'm 20... and fresh.. and youthful... and full of boyish energy... may be they secretly think... but then secret compliments do not comfort you..

XXX

Job hunt on... in talks with a few people... but all of that in Jan end... as I'd rather spend the winters in Kashmir...

Doing feature stories... and weaving the novel...

XXX

(Nov 14, 10:27am)

More reasonably, I think it is lack of planning.. or at any rate, the indecision at present to determine which of the few plans I have, would work best.. that is making me depressed...

Besides, of-course, I'm tired by the travel... and there's this jet-lag too..

XXX

Weather too is glum... But it distresses me to think I should be weary of winters again... last winter, given that I wasn't having any mood swings, I enjoyed myself thoroughly..

Like I used to earlier.. when grandmum was alive.. and I'd be off to her place for larger part of December..

XXX

Anyway... so what I must do is decide on one plan and concentrate...

Getting back to job is important.. but I also need to think wisely on the couple of offers I have.. in fact, I have this feeling that I forego them, and visit Kashmir instead...

For doing some features and human rights reporting.. something I have been wanting to, for almost two years now..

That would also help me build the environment and premises for my future novel.. and then go to Delhi and look for fresh openings around Jan end..

That would be the best.. still better, if I could convince the HRs to delay the joining dates for the positions they are offering, or may be make some good excuse..

XXX

Also, I noticed that I do not have much snacks at home.. which may be another cause for depression.. yes, usually I keep different kinds of snacks.. nimki.. chanachur... dalmuts of different varieties... what do you call them in English..

Whenever idle, I keep chewing.. that helps avert depression... yes, seriously... don't laugh.. and I can scientifically explain..

XXX

See why does depression happen? Because you ain't content with how things are around you, and you either fret or brood..

Or may be you are sad over some unpleasant incident in the past.. which comes back to haunt you when you ain't doing anything..

But as you chew, the different snacks I mean, incessantly, you focus on that activity... if you're chewing very hot snacks, of-course you are further absorbed into that activity, because of the sensation in your tongue..

There is no time or space for brooding... that evil pastime brooding that makes you uneasy and gloomy... you chew, and you ain't depressed...

XXX

(Nov 13, 8:52pm)

Why am I suddenly depressed again? It was now a year since I last had mood swings.. I thought it was cured forever... how again?

Isn't the emerald working anymore... What do I do? Do I need to clean it with brush, and wipe out the dirt that might have accumulated by now... as somebody suggested I do, as stones stop working otherwise...

Or is it that I am too tired, and I am mistaking fatigue for distress? That cannot be.. depression is unmistakable.. at least I can't mistake something else for it..

XXX

Or is that because my latest pic on a social networking site wasn't too well-received... as I would have imagined.. or as my other snaps did...

But that is frivolous.. I ain't frivolous..

XXX

Meanwhile I am back to India...

So?

Is it just jet-lag showing up rather bitterly.. I don't know... But I am really depressed... after say 13-12 months...

XXX

Good for the blog.. when I am sad, I write more often...

XXX