(Sep 30, 10:32pm)

A Glorious grand Finale of Jhalak Dikhlaja 5!
And how deserving a winner as Gurmeet Choudhary!

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Well, to be more honest, till only afternoon I was rooting for Rithvik or Rashmi, the other two finalists actually..

But dunno, as the announcement was close, I suddenly got weak for Gurmeet.. And so happy that he won..

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But alas, weekends will never be so happy and engaging again.. Madhuri Dixit, with her one hour of effervescent smile every Saturday and Sunday, so helped me keep away depression..

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(Sep 29, 2:48pm)

Have to finish writing the coal story this weekend.. Monday I plan to send it across.. By the way, it is Jhalak Dikhlaja 5 finale today and tomorrow..

Will miss Madhuri magic on screen.. but the wait wouldn't be too long.. she is understood to begin filming her comeback movie, Gulab Gang, in another couple of weeks..

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(Sep 27, 12:30pm)

I reached Dhanbad Junction at quarter past 12 on the intervening night of Sunday-Monday.. A fretting Kolkata cousin with Mr *anerjee, his friend, was waiting in the latter's car..

Such is the terror of mafias there, particularly in the night, in India's coal capital where millions of black money is siphoned off everyday, that they had brought along two six-footer body guards with them..

And interestingly the cell phones of all four buzzed without interval, as their anxious parents called up every minute to inquire they were safe!

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I knew instantly what and where I was upto! The next two days were spent meeting mafias, warlords, coal brokers, who spoke after continued and diligent persuasion from our side.. and only after conditions of anonymity was guaranteed!

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"There was this reporter a couple of years back.. trying to act too smart with his unsettling volley of questions.. You see that stove there? He was pushed in onto it, and his Honda cut into two halves and thrown away in the mines," said one of the brokers to an astonished audience of me, the Kol cousin, Mr *anerjee and our driver!

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But he was helpful in the sense, he really gave in a lot about the whole racket, and helped us understand the logistics about how exactly this massive black money is generated everyday!

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Then there was this dreaded mafia family... People refer to them with the names of their sprawling houses.. *ingh Mansion and *aghukool, the alleged hot seats of 'mafiagiri' now managed by two arch rival cousins, who, allegedly again, control the BCCL.. and hence practically the entire coal reserves of the country..

First we went to Mr *a*j*** Singh... who had agreed to meet me when one of his former henchman *icky, who now works as care taker for Mr *anerjee, assured him I would not do any selective reportage or editing to show him in bad light..

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I thought he was too sober for a mafia.. and certainly too docile for a man who is understood to have (got) shot people on their heads right in social gatherings, in rallies, broad daylight public meetings, everywhere..

No sooner had I asked him the first question than a gang of around 12 men gheraoed me, and pulled up the edge of their half jackets, rather intelligently I would say, to allow me a glance of their pistols, and to suggest how any attempt at 'street smartness' would be answered..

But I believe it was the mafia, more than I, who was offended.. since he dismissed them off without delay, admonishing them in hurriedly uttered sentences, in mix of Hindi and local dialects, which I could not fully comprehend..

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I had specific instructions from Mr *anerjee and *icky, that I first took him to confidence by recounting the good work his dead father (politician and India's first alleged coal kingpin)  is attributed to have done, and create a kind of Robin Hood impression for their family which they always respond to very kindly..

It worked.. he answered all my questions readily.. even the awkward ones.. and when it was time for photoshoot, he obliged me with pictures clicked from perhaps every angle, with sudden and gleeful interest of a child, eagerly changing his glasses, or his posture, or sometimes his expression which ranged from sombre arrogance to immoderately pleasing, most often characteristic of those who want to generate sudden goodwill among their peers..

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At Raghukool the scene was different.. since this man also happens to be the deputy *ayor of the town.. like most *afias do when they want to seek political and social legitimacy to their practices..

He was more poised, more clever, not very casual like Mr *ingh, yet surprisingly indiscreet... He threw much light on how BCCL and its interested associates are not stopping the underground fire in Jharia, which adjoins Dhanbad, which he said was done with the design to disperse settlements and grab their lands for further mining.. and this in blatant disregard to SC which in its subsequent directives has made it obligatory on BCCL to carry out sand stowing (which effectively reduces fire) each time mining was done..

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By the way what was he so bothered about? Our natural reserves being exploited or the fact that he could not be the sole ally of BCCL, which was sharing the booty with other men?

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Then there were men from NGOs, social activists, MLAs, MPs, and many others who readily helped with whatever material, court documents they had in the matter... and with their quotes which, of course, added to my insight, and will be very helpful to develop the story..

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Will keep you updated on this.. and will share more such experiences in future posts.. for now, I am getting late for another appointment..

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(Sep 26, 9:01pm)

Back to Patna after two days of whirlwind reporting.. met mafias, alleged killers, activists, besides administrators and BCCL authorities..

Will share the experience later.. too tired to type..

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(Sep 22, 11:42pm)

Mamma's death anniversary pooja went off all well today.. though what was unusual was that I had been sleeping till as late as 9:40 am..

The purohit of-course did not have the slightest idea, as I was already ready when he arrived at 10..

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The maid had been arranging things since morning.. besides doing daily chores.. I do not usually do it like this.. I mean on pooja days, I like doing things myself..

But how much can I do? My body, my mind to be more honest, doesn't always support me..

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I am leaving for Dhanbad tomorrow afternoon.. For some investigative reporting.. Have an appointment with a mafia on Monday evening..

But what about the novel.. It's time I seriously timed my assignments.. But first the family pension thing has to be over, for which I am here at the first place..

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I'm excited about the novel, as I evolve it gradually in my mind and add more characters.. But I am in no hurry.. Writing, vocational writing, is a spiritual exercise to me..

I seek God in writing.. in mundane and extra ordinary characters, which entwine and exude, though in varying degrees, the kindliness of God..

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(Sep 21, 3:05pm)

Mom's second death anniversary pooja tomorrow.. all preparations nearly done.. Will go out in the evening to buy some articles for 'daan'...

Then, there's this ticket to Dhanbad for Sunday afternoon.. I come back on Wednesday hopefully..

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(Sep 19, 10:26pm)

Leaving for Dhanbad on Sunday for some reporting assignment.. should be back in three days or four..

Meanwhile Mumma's second death anniversary rites will be done on 22nd... I haven't yet prepared anything.. Purohit ji gave me the list this morning..

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(Sep 18, 9:56pm)

I guess I would be treating my novel similar to those written in Victorian England.. after all mine is also set in picturesque, natural surroundings, and tells about country life..

Plus the society too, much like the 19th century Englishmen, is rigid about moral and cultural ethos and the importance of restrained sexual behaviour in general..

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(Sep 15, 11:50pm)

It's raining here.. for days... best time for literature.. have 'North and South' and 'Ruth' to read.. got these Elizabeth Gaskell books delivered through flipkart..

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(Sep 14, 3:34pm)

There must be something about 'hope' since it is never extinguished in the heart while you are alive..

But when it fails to exile, or at any rate make milder the grief therein, it becomes a worse torment than what it was called to battle..

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Two years, 

since Mumma were gone!

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(6:32pm)

Returned from the temple.. The Mahavir temple.. after offering prayers..

Had done all the daily prayers at home too.. for muma's peace.. besides, doing flowers on her DP, which I do every 14th..

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(September 13, 5:00pm)

The gold and bronze covering wasn't there then.. over the barren sofa, in front of the prayer chamber, where Shahnaz Aunty lay seated..

With a bowl of sweet ordered from Shubhraj, which muma insisted she had... since Subhraj, and the sweet, both were her favourite..

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Muma had responded well to the dripping all afternoon.. and could squat on the carpet, beside our neighbour, talking merrily.. She even prepared the tea herself, after I provided a kettle of warm water and other things..

13th of September (2010) it was, and I was finally happy to see her recover.. in fact I told Shahnaj Aunty, how I would be arranging the birthday party for her again, which had to be cancelled, following her illness suddenly that day..

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She would have listened attentively, I am sure, and would add to the plans too, but it was time for Namaz.. and she rushed to her flat below..

The very next morning, she rushed again.. this time from her early morning classes at the college to back home.. more frantically and visibly disoriented... as she needed to see mumma one last time, and do her respects..

XXX 

(Sep 6, 10:29pm)

Mum's birthday went off quite well actually.. everything was perfect.. at least as perfect as planned.. the menu, the decos.. the pooja... the prayers.. everything..

Didn't invite any guest.. mum had been ascetic, especially in her last ten years.. though I had asked Shah**z autnty, our neighbour in the floor immediately below, to not cook dinner..

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When I went to her with the food, she was so sweet as to take out a helping of the cake and feed me herself.. "Happy B'de to your Mom," she delightfully exclaimed..

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I am really fatigued now.. my limbs, the legs particularly, are without any vigour.. and I am not feeling well from inside either..

Need rest.. But it's good to see so many sweet responses to my blog and facebook updates... about mum and this D-day..

Goodnight!

XXX

(Sep 6, 7:56pm)

Touch is lost,
But the feel has become warmer in distress..

Sight is dulled,
But memories rekindle a glory where no joy seems fleeting..

Sound is overpowered by chaos of this world,
But thoughts too brilliant, and too unremitting to imagine you've ever been away..

Happy Birthday, Muma..

(Sep 6, 5:22pm)

Back from Palson's.. the cake shop.. It's so yummy.. will upload the pic, once I cut it.. say at 7:30..

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Why is it so depressing.. intermittent rains and a blanket of cloud.. The sun's nowhere to be seen.. I'm trying not to be sad..

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Acha one thing, when will I fall in love.. I mean I am 25.. I am eligible.. I have my share of money..then?

Well, not in the next 5-6 years at least.. You see I have to write my novel.. and I want to study too.. and yes, there are many who can romance and remain devout student all at the same time.. But in my case, all important thing must get perfect attention, and hence should come one after the other..

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And then.. if I fall in love, will I be able to perceive the love which is present in so many forms, in so many different people around us with their different ways and belief.. and their varied understanding of love?

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I'd be too occupied with my own love to value any of it.. and that's what bothers me as a writer.. and anyway Im not too romantic or the chatty kind..

I guess the girl has to woo me, rather than I doing it on her.. Just crap it.. will upload the b'de pic.. you keep watching..

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(Sep 6, 3:40pm)

Woke up in terrible illness.. though it was somewhat anticipated.. considering how I had worked yesterday..

The good part is most often in such situations, I can recover amazingly fastly by watching the body's requirements.. whether rest, or sleep, or abstaining from food.. and controlling the diet..

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Undeterred, I went ahead with the plans.. the day begun with a simple breakfast of cheese-tomato sandwiches, my all time favourite sandwich, and tea..

After which, while the maid cooked pulao and chicken, and chhole.. and kheer, I took turns to deck up the house...

I changed the curtains, the cushion covers, laid the gold and bronze sofa spreads, the new table cloth.. and took out the old flowers from the vase and replaced with new bunches of rose..

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I got the 'prasadam' delivered to my place, since I was not in position to travel.. I guess I told you yesterday, I had offered some pooja in mom's name.. at the Mahavir temple, near the junction..

Now had lunch and reclining.. will have to collect the cake in the evening, and get some snacks for dinner.. It's raining here..

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(Sep 5, 9:11pm)

Returned from the market some one hour back... Got lots of sweets and other snack.. and now storing them in jars which I washed in the morning..

Don't think muma's absence has taught me these daily chores.. Every year on mom's b'de, I would be doing that.. since when I was very young..

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On her b'de In 1993, mum, I remember, had in fact suddenly cut short her classes and rushed home panicking.. she thought I might just open the stove too, and try cooking for her..

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In 2010 while I was arranging the snacks in the jars, exactly at this time, having returned from the market, she came out of her room and started tasting everything.. randomly.. hurriedly..

Much to my chagrin.. in fact I always advised her against this.. for me, everything has to be perfect..

So unless everything was arranged properly in the 'dubbas', you couldn't taste.. and you just cannot taste  like that.. you must have it properly served..

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Who would have known, she'd fall ill just in few hours.. post midnight.. and in 9 days, she would be gone..

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But why think of 2010.. let's think about 2009.. 5th sep.. I had arrived only in the morning.. from my college in Chennai.. 2000 km down south..

And the day was quite the same.. hectic.. arduous.. and without food..

But unlike today when I really didn't have anything to eat because the maid bunked, that time it was my reckless behaviour..

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The next day, 6th Sep, was grand... we had a guest too.. an uninformed visitor, mom's batch mate's younger sister..

She agreed to have lunch with us, and on hearing about the D-day, gifted a metal fish to mom too.. which I guess, made her quite happy.. Presents, no matter how old you have grown, always make you happy..

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Perhaps, it is human nature to feel elated at the show of affection.. age has no role to play here.. In fact as you grow older, you learn to value more..

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Evening was wonderful too.. we had the cake.. plus select dishes from select restaurants.. one item from Rajasthan, the other from Kapil's 11..

I am usually careful at not just listing the menu, but also at deciding which one would be the best at what place..

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Tomorrow I'd be doing that again.. I'll visit the temple to offer prayers.. and then get the cake and other things for dinner.. but that would be in the evening..

For lunch, I'll ask Bharati ji to prepare pulao and chicken.. and some raita.. plain one.. since dinner would be heavy..

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(Sep 5, 4:49pm)

The rooms and the hall are cleaned now.. the wall hangings and mom's pictures too.. Now I'll quickly get some tea and biscuits.. Oh, didn't have anything to eat all day.. You wouldn't know how listless it feels..

Anyway, let me take a bath and then I have to rush to the temple.. the grand Mahavir temple beside the junction.. I want some pooja done on mum's name tomorrow.. but you need to book in advance..

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From there I'll collect the sweets from the N.P. Centre shop, and buy some snacks too.. and since Bharatij din't come today, I'll have to pack something for dinner.. 

I guess chilli chiken from Maurya would be fine.. I can cook some rice when I'm back..

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(Sep 5, 2:49pm)

Finished doing the dishes.. it was tough job.. don't think I'm talking about the regular chore.. I washed the whole range of dishes, stacked in the kitchen wardrobe.. some 80-100 pieces..

Even my kurta is drenched with water and detergent.. and my nails, solid stains in the walls of the pots have all swooped inside them..

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Ok, kitchen is over.. muma's room is done.. I just did the washing too.. now what remain are sweeping and mopping the rooms and bathroom cleaning.. let me take a few minutes to rest..

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(Sep 5, 1:00pm)

Now the guard tells me, the sweeper too is absent..
which means I am cleaning the washrooms also! Crazy!

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Anyway, let me have some tea.. just finished cleaning mom's room..

I know, if somebody else were at my place he would have left it all for tomorrow.. but I am impatient.. and I don't like keeping things for the last minute..

It's mom's b'de tomorrow.. everything should be perfect by night itself!

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(Sep 5, 12:03pm)

Don't tell me.. The maid didn't come.. I had told her specifically, today I would need an elaborate cleaning-up of the house, since it's mom's b'de tomorrow.. and she doesn't turn up!

Now I have to do sweeping, mopping, I have to clean the kitchen, I have to clean the window panes.. wash all the table tops, mats, change the curtains.. and Oh my God, what would I eat?

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And unless I finish all that by evening, where would be the time for rest of the marketing?

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(Sep 4, 8:27pm)

Just returned from Patna Market.. the same olden day place, where mum would take us to shop.. and where her father would take her when she were young..

Before its charm was overshadowed in the razzmatazz of city malls coming up!

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Got a dining table cloth, fridge top, flowers and vases, a set of dining wares, and some other miscellaneous item..

It's mom's birthday on the 6th.. Have already ordered the cake, a chocolate truffle, and different sweets..

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(Sep 4, 4:56pm)

On this day in 2010, mom and I had gone out for shopping... It was her birthday on 6th, and there were little things we wanted to buy..

Little, unplanned things, which you do not really need.. but which catches your attention on a lazy evening like this, when you are roaming around in the company of your loved one.. 

And when these little things, one item from this shop, another from that, rise above their trifle value and become the most important of all..

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Why do we curse fate for not giving us any hint of a grim future? For not allowing us to prepare?

Do you not think it actually gives us the chance to enjoy, to be carefree and add meaning to the present, even though if it were to last only temporarily?

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If I were to know, mom would die exactly 10 days from then, then forth of September wouldn't be so happy.. it would be an overwrought day, marred in foolish resistance to the future which seldom relents..

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(Sep 2, 9:49pm)

Anonymous 99.. where are you...