(June 24, 5:20pm)

Met 'him'.... but too tired to type now.. will share later..

XXX

(June 23, 5:35pm)

Got the stamp paper for the agreement.. Rohan and I would be visiting him tomorrow... Hopefully, one last time... and the work also gets done!

XXX

(June 22, 1:36pm)

Not going to "his" place today... Didn't get the stamp paper, in which he has to vouch once he gets muma's fam pension every month, he would transfer equivalent money to our account..

XXX

Hopefully, I'll get that tomorrow.. and would be meeting him on Sunday.. Roha* says he'd come along..

XXX

(June 21, 9:01pm)

So I called him up again.. inquiring whether he went to the uni to clear up his artificial doubts regarding the family pension thing..

He was like: "Ya you gime the copy of family pension payment order and your mom's death certificate.. I'll do that.."

XXX

Now what the hell... "Hello, you have to sign an undertaking, that once the family pension will be credited, it will be transferred to our account every month.."

XXX

He said he would do that... But can he be trusted.. Rohan says why not, he can just take it all himself and add to his already existing booty..."

And then contradicted, "Don't think he'd be so evidently treacherous.. He has to live in the same community afterall..."

XXX

We might be going to his place tomorrow... This would be practically my first time, after mama's death...

XXX

(June 21, 1:09pm)

I am not going for Ap**va's sister's wedding... No, no.. I didn't pick up any quarrel or anything..

It's just that I wouldn't be able to make bumpy seven-hour volvo ride to Ranchi.. and these days I anyway don't feel like talking to anybody..

XXX

This man... who has just become 'this man' for the last 21 months, now says he is not eligible to draw the family pension, and hence cannot pass that off to us either...

The shift from "I wouldn't help" to "I am not able to help" is due to continued persuasion from multiple quarters, who hope he would relent..

XXX

Let's see... Somebody is taking him to the university this week to dispel his "ineligibility" doubt... I hope I get mumma's family pension as soon as possible...

XXX

It's been 30 thousands of income and 50 thousands of expenditure for the last so many months.. and this can't go on forever..

Particularly now, when I don't have much to bank on, and when the uni might just take some time to clear mumma's dues..

XXX

And don't think I am depending too much on mumma in even her absence.. the truth is I was fully equipped to live comfortably had I not to look after a rented property in Patna which consumes 20 thousands every month..

And I can't let go off this house, even though I stay here not more than 30-40 days a year.. This's been my home of 13 years.. my dead mother's only memorabilia..

XXX

The only hope against this economic mess is I get the 24k fam pension every month.. which he has to withdraw in his name and then pass off..

Will he?

XXX

And don't think I'm being naive... Don't think I am counting on somebody who has actually usurped 20 lakhs of mom's money..

It's not expectation... It is just social diplomacy and hoping for it's plain rewards...

XXX

I will be calling him this evening.. Hopefully he would have gone to the university and learnt he is eligible... and willing to help..

Otherwise, there's another couple of people who would be meeting him..

XXX

(June 14, 10:07pm)

Twenty one months!

Did all the prayers and remembrances.. decorated the display pic in the hall, too!

XXX

Since yesterday, it's been very depressing.. and somehow I dont even feel like gathering my strength and brave and surmount the odds..

Don't you suppose my strength, my endurance, deserve to be put to something more meaningful? Like writing my novel.. ??

XXX

Will this man ever agree to the family pension thing? I'm 25 and I have job, so I am not eligible to the 24k pension that stands to the family in muma's absence.. but he can.. and if he so desires he can take it and then pass it off to us?

XXX

Will he ever? At least this much favour "he" can do? he wouldn't have to spend anything from pocket, and he can hand over the money to us, with which I can realise mom's unfinished dreams, like perhaps getting a flat of our own?

At least, having usurped 20 lakhs, he can pass over this government money to us..

XXX

(June 12, 9:16pm)

Will he or won't he?

XXX

But then most of you don't know the context.. and I am too tired to type.. But will surely do tomorrow!

XXX

(June 10, 11:16pm)

Okay.. I got this black kurta with silver pattern around the neck, for Ank*ta's wedding.. Will team it with cream coloured 'churidaars'..

Guess it would be the perfect night wear... understated but glamourous... the silver work is looking really chic.. and at 1000 bucks, rather cheap i'd say..

XXX

But how do I get to Ranchi... by ac volvos? but then those two friends-turned foes would be boarding the same volvo on 27th morning...

Will it be okay? Wouldn't I become the odd one-among-group-of-merry-making duo... perhaps they would be joined by more friends...

XXX

Shar***e says he would love to travel with me... and we both could ride his car.. but then he's in Mumbai, and he's holidays is not yet sanctioned... what if he fails to turn up?

And I can't go with the doctor friend... He has got some Parkinson kind problem in his hand, and Im advised not to chip in, if he's driving the car himself, which most probably, he would!

XXX

Then?

XXX

(June 10, 10:39am)

Just got the marketing done, and now having a Litchi squash.. that's my favourite... muma used to always keep litchi squash when we were young, but for last many years we had not had that.. So, it's good!

XXX

Apu*v* and his sis would be here by eleven I suppose... I'll ask the maid to cook fish.. plus some accompaniments..

XXX

Okay, so his sis gets married on 27th in Ranchi.. and I have to look good, because, first, it would be mood enhancing for me... especially when the mood is otherwise now..

And second, two of my dearest pals-turned bad anti-publicist would also be there..

XXX

I have actually got a parrot-green kurta, and I'm thinking of getting exquisite thread work done..

But is parrot green good enough.. or should I go for a chalky white, or may be carbon black?

XXX

(June 9, 10:32pm)

It's too hot here, still...

XXX

Apur** and his sis coming for lunch tomorrow.. A*k**a gets married on 27th this month, and leaves for US thereafter..

So thought of inviting them...

XXX

Between, what do I wear for A*k**a's wedding.. I want to look good.. particularly, when two of my former dearest friends-turned anti-publicists would be present too..

XXX

I need to look better than both of them, and I also need to have more company, sort of entourage, than what they would have...

XXX

Lots of planning needed, therefore..

Will do bit by bit, from tomorrow..

XXX

(June 8, 11:47pm)

My op-ed piece published in leading Jammu and Kashmir daily, Kashmir Observer.. This traces India-Pakistan's diplomacy shift-over, over Kashmir!

http://www.kashmirobserver.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=12115%3Atime-for-delhi-to-act-&catid=8%3Aopinion&Itemid=9

XXX

(June 6, 6:15pm)

Was I better off then, when in long, long playless evenings, I waited for mom to return? Even birds, which returned to their hatchlings on time always, seemed luckier to me then...

But was I lucky too, at least partially, and without realising it?? Since the wait, although it would exhaust my body, my mind, my faith in Gods, everything, at some point would be over?

And that there was somebody to wait for at least?

XXX

(June 6, 5:25pm)

I deleted the Goddess's picture last night.. from my old Orkut account... It had been there for years...

It was a momentary decision.. and somehow I don't regret it either..

XXX

(June 6, 12:51am)

When you experience them first, hatred seems to be more powerful than a feeling of brotherhood..

But after a long time has passed, stories of love and brotherhood are more fondly remembered and certainly more frequently recounted!

XXX

(June 5, 11:43pm)

After ages, I spoke to the Goddess now!

XXX

(June 5, 3:30pm)

Met the lawyer yesterday.. the new one.. I finally decided among the three or four lawyers I was considering, and zeroed on, on this son of SC bar council chairman..

Big name, and so big charges too.. paid him half of the 40,000 bucks he had asked.. Yes, that's too much for a post-retirement case, but then do I have choices?

XXX

At least, his father's name would help our case.. and hopefully I would get what's been pending for 20 months now.. !!

XXX

He says he would get me the PF and arrears of pension (Jan 2005 till muma's death in September 2010)... but is not sure whether my request for a 12 per cent interest on delay in payment of gratuity, leave encashment and other arrears would be considered!

"It's India you see, judges generally have the effrontery to say at least you got the principal," he told me!

XXX

But then given that his dad is a big shot, he can actually get a favourable verdict in even the demand of interest.. and ironically, in our case, the interest exceeds the principal..

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Rohan, who accompanies me to the lawyer usually, like he did yesterday, suggested I moved in steps..

"Let's get the PF first, then we would ask him for his father's intervention in the "interest" thing!"

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"Surely, his father can... and if we offer him a 10-12% share, he would I think," said Rohan..

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So that's it... let's move in steps... wise people usually go about that way.. and since I'm far from wise, I guess it is wiser to follow others, than decide on my own!

XXX

(June 2, 9:29pm)

Hello Everybody, how are you?

A very interesting political report coming up..
It will be published in a leading English daily of J&K..

Stay tuned!

XXX