Obviously you know I'm not good.. I haven't posted for 11 days.. but not all of it had been grey.. like this engineer friend from Xavier's who visited me.. and the lovely food and time we had..
Like i dreamed of mumma on Tuesday night, Nov 22 (it must be Wednesday morning, since i remember sleeping very late that night..).. when she was cooking for my birthday..
But disturbed, that she was cooking only the starters not the main course, I kept shouting at her and nagging her.. with authority, with right.. that every infant feels he's entitled to over his parents, particularly mother.. and which gives him solace, which gives him peace... a feel that in this big world, he's not lost..
I breathed and lived that adulation again.. momentarily.. and only in illusion.. but that feel was real.. your situations can change...people can love you and then desert you.. either on will or in the absence of choice... but the feel remains.. it always does..
XXX
Im having an extremely painful feel.. Apurva says it's over a year, and I cant do like this.. as if this is will, not the absence of choice..
I have this bureaucrat to interview tomorrow.. I already covered this CPI (ex) national secretary... work wise it's good.. but it isn't in any other sense..
How i wish, i had the money and hence the discretion, the "will" to be home... where my anonymity could be my blanket from curious eyes.. where i wudn't have to fake smiles, and "act" all the time.. like Anon 99 thinks I do..
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The winter is adding to my gloom.. badly.. and there's another thing, which i wouldn't write over this blog.. because this is public.. grandmom wanted me to be discreet in public.. mom too...
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Why can't the Goddess be one of those fairies in Grimm's tales.. whose magic changes it all.. for the better.. and for good...
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