(September 21, 5:45pm)

I guess it's been close to two years since I last posted on this site... This had been a valued outlet where I would speak my heart out whenever life was mournful..

I'm not sure what changed... Whether life was never punctuated by dullness again, or I learnt to cope well... or, grew discreet...

But wish me luck, as I begin to write again, and take an important leap in my career... I'm joining an ace publication as its special correspondent on the 24th of this month, and that's less than 72 hours away!

XXX

Oh, I guessed it! It's joy that brings me back!

It's been a good journey, then... My relation with this blog, once stimulated by gloom, is now restored by merry tidings that destiny has brought..

And, what's more lovely, tell me?

I'm at my Patna apartment at present... At my mom's balcony... from where the Ganges can be seen!

Once a vast expanse of clear water, the river is now its emaciated self... At least the part of it which is visible from our house... From the terrace, its width is significant, though..

It's been raining for a few days, and the river has swelled.. It does every monsoon.. The otherwise narrow stretch, hence, is abundant with water again... moving in supple grace as birds hover around...

Small boats can be seen at regular interval, but their decaying look tells you the sorry story of the rowers, who once thrived.. When this city didn't have malls, multiplexes and water parks, people used to frequent them for joyrides across this holy river...

XXX

I hope to be doing meaningful long forms, mostly narratives from the ground, in my new job...

As I'd travel through different landscapes, meeting people whose lives are in stark contrast to us city dwellers, there would be more imagination...

And, consequently, more powerful situations in my novel... Situations and people that intrigue..

XXX

(Jan 4, 10:03pm)

Do you have songs that specifically remind you of some past event?

I have this one from Madhuri Dixit starrer Pukaar... where she bustles with Prabhu Deva in that iconic Que sara, sara number...

It was the January of 2000... the movie was yet to hit theaters, but the song was a hit... we had newly moved in to this apartment in Patna...

At leisure, I used to explore the place.. by the river side... though sometimes, it seemed too silent and secluded...

Mum had invited our cousin for lunch that day... 29th Jan, his birthday... a Saturday... Or did she invite him the following day?

My uncle always celebrated his son's anniversary on a belated date.. with Hindu rituals.. So, mum invited him for a lunch on 29th.. or may be 30th, on Sunday.. it was her way to commemorate the day...

XXX

Despite our pleading with him to come early... he was nowhere to be seen... Mum was busy in kitchen.. and I was in terrace.. at the 10th floor... gaze fixed on the road beneath, waiting for cousin..

It was a new, scary experience to look down below from the 10th floor.. I was very scared... yet, I would take the Gods' names and bend down every two minutes...

Finally, he arrived... in the evening, two more pals joined in.. sons of a family friend.. I remember we played the Que sara, sara number a lot many times that evening... while mum chatted with the elders..

It was very cold that day... Those days the winter would spill well into the end of February..

XXX

I have another memory of the day... We had bought the January issue of the Filmfare.. an absolute forbidden buy for young schoolchildren back then...

But mum made an exception to the rule, and bought us one...

Happy, the older of the two brothers, who was to appear for his 12th board the following month, begged us to lend the magazine..

Fearing his father's wrath, he hid it inside his clothes... he had undressed his upper garments to put it inside his vest,.. then he had worn the Cotswool shirt again.. the sweaters.. the jacket.. as we watched in amusement...

I don't know what incited me and my brother.. just as we were about to see them off, at the apartment's basement, we spoke out loud to him, "Happy, hope you have a good read of the Filmfare... Do feel free to keep it as long as you want."

All hell broke loose.. "Filmfare? What Filmfare? Whose Filmfare? Who has Filmfare?" the family friend uncle roared in to break the silence of the night...

Happy was pale already... Uncle nudged him, "you have it", "you hidding it", "you think you're smart", as he shivered in the foggy night...

We still have a hearty laughter remembering how his father had made him to almost undress again and take the magazine out..

XXX

(Jan 1, 11:49am)

Life always gives bountiful returns. Only that we miss to invest carefully.

Happy birthday to me, and Happy new year to all...

XXX

(Dec 31, 10:45pm)

A visit to your school, especially one with as splendid a campus as St Xavier's, is a rejuvenating experience...

I am down with viral, but did not feel like cancelling my planned visit to Fr Peter...

After a decade long tenure at St Michael's, the principal of our times has returned to Xavier's to take charge of the 10+2...

And what a delightful conversation it was,... from down memory lane talk, recounting interesting anecdotes about us growing up, to our future, and the country's politics...

XXX

Father offered to take me for a round of the campus.. A mix of nostalgia and happy surprises followed as I noticed the changes...

They have renovated the swimming pool... and there's also a stage come up on the assembly grounds..

The new building has an additional floor.. Decaying trees have been felled and several new ones are slowly growing up to gigantic sizes..

There's a kindergarten now... Father took me to the kids' classrooms... the smart boards, wall hangings, the deco, little chairs of many hues... you got such a lively feeling there...

The Christmas decorations were still there, reminding of the festivities that must have been grand...

XXX

It's new year tomorrow.. It's my birthday...

I didn't blog much this year.. though I promised to myself I would... but it's reassuring to know I'm already getting the hang...

Which is nice...

XXX

(December 30, 9:57pm)

Feeling guilty.. I'm holidaying in Patna.. Was scheduled to travel back to New Delhi today, but could not... A hassled journey kept me down, and I wouldn't be able to join work tomorrow..

Patna, in the meantime, is bitterly cold..

XXX

I somehow dragged myself to the Archies gallery near my apartment... opposite of Convent...

The same shop I first visited as an eighth grader when we shifted to this place many, many years ago...

Many, many years.. that sounds dramatic to me.. Wasn't it yesterday.. Muma still in college, teaching Mathematics.. and I in school... making plans for the future...

Plans to become a journalist... with mumma always trying to help me culture my interest in literature.. yet, silently in her mind, sceptical of my choice of career..

XXX

The Archies was a weekend haunt... this double storey shop, along the kindergarten ward of the Convent, with beds of different hues of flowers greeting you, had everything to perk up your leisurely hunt for gift items..

Diaries... table top calendars.. slam books.. tiny to big statues of gods, tribal dancers, Egyptian figures.. wind chimes.. when I was in school, wind chimes were craze.. I don't see many people buying them now.. at least not with same excitement..

XXX

The gentleman at Archies, who has seen me grow up from a school student to journalist, was delighted to see me..

The conversation branched onto many subjects, including politics, and it was not before one hour that I left the shop with a new year diary.. He gave me a Rs 60 discount on an item of Rs 499.. unsolicited..

I wished him happy new year...

XXX

(December 23, 7:42 pm)
Repost from 23 December 2010

It was December 23, 1992..I was young...very young..
but, the memories are clear like marbles..

Since the Gods knew our days were numbered, they bestowed me with sharp memory. They needed to prove they were kind.

XXX

The Babri had just been pulled down, and anticipating the riots, we had left our sprawling cottage-house in Sultanganj, and moved to this place where Muslim population was thin..

Grandmum had tough time convincing mumma, since even her personal tailor and the tax consultant were muslims..

XXX

I despised the house...but since it offered me a view of the main road, from where i could keep a watch for mumma to return, i had agreed it as periodic arrangement..

XXX

So, there i was in the terrace that afternoon, standing under the radiant sun.."Look its approaching four now, she said she'd come by 2," I told my brother, with whom i had played the ludo and hide and seek many times already...and left with no innovations now, had decided to just kill time, looking at the street below..

XXX

Every year, after our schools had closed for winters on December 3rd or 4th, we counted the days for 23rd to arrive..Mumma's last working day!

And with bro's b'de the next day, she'd hurriedly come back from college, dress us up, get us a brunch, and we'd be off shopping...we bought the jackets, we bought the shoes..pairs of denims, santa caps, wind-cheaters..gloves and mufflers to match..story books, toys..the cake, the meat-balls...the list would be endless, because mumma, before she'd come to pick us, would have encashed whatever was left in her bank that day..

XXX

23rd December 1992.
Bro still was waiting for mumma.

XXX

But, I was waiting for the culprit.

XXX

Brightness slowly began to dull, and despair set in like some unsought guest..i was more and more sure she had failed us. Yeah, she'd turn up, but without the money.

Grannie had just told us how we were in for a crisis..how Mumma had first squandered everything, her arrears, her deposits, her NSCs...then indulged in relentless charity..and this magnanimity as if so intoxicating, she hadnt even bothered to draw salary between..

XXX

So unless there was some bounty of magic, we would not have any money for the year end.. Her salary would come only on Jan 2nd, when the university reopened..

Fingers crossed, we waited.
We prayed.
We implored upon the Gods to be kinder..
Else bro's birthday would be wasted.
Even Xmas.
My b'de too, which coincided on New Year.

XXX

But she would not turn up. "Why is she taking so late. Is her salary credited. Why did she have to go looking for it the last day. why dint she draw it three months? And why did she spent all her money away?" I asked irritatingly.

"May be it's credited," bro suggested, not willing to give up.

"In that case she'd have come already."

"May be she is shopping," he tried to reason.

"Without us? No way." I dismissed.

XXX

And then with careless abandon to how it might upset him, asked him again, "Will she come?"

"Not again," he stooped me midway.

"Will she..."

"Will she what," this time he didnt beat around the bush, "She is not dead. Nobody dies just suddenly. But if you believe she has, do it all to the Goddess, please."

XXX

He left.

XXX

I felt better. His outburst had somehow convinced me she was not dead. So i was back the tyrant again. Awaiting the culprit.

XXX

It was a long wait.
The sun God said he'd send the moon to befriend.

XXX

XXX

XXX

From the crossing, she appeared like spring.
And the grace in her walk, undid all the wrongs that were done.

XXX

Who'd say she had been so long into the 40s...
Except the laugh lines, perhaps.
But, they appeared only when she laughed tumultuously.

XXX

She did rarely.

XXX

She was wearing pure-silk saree.
It was finest silk. Grannie's testimony to mumma's indulgence.

XXX

The story goes that in the late 1960s, decent pure silks were available for Rs 120. The classy ones came for 200. But if you were the type who wanted the bride-hunters do talking, you wore a 300..to upset would-be brides, a 350...and to let the men gasping, a 500.

And upon such times, i am told, mumma had bought this sari for 900.
Even professors were paid 800 then, aunts had added.

XXX

To be continued....

(December 17, 3:46pm)

I am seldom convinced when people say they ended a relationship.. or moved on... Truth is, you never can..

If there truly was a relationship, you can not break it unless the relationship breaks itself..

What you do is fill the space between you and the person you loved, or for that matter, a friend you trusted, with new people and situations... To deceive yourself that you have moved on..

You feign indifference... You pronounce that too... But why would you pronounce it, if it really was over?

Fact is, you don't pronounce anything, when somebody or something is really over...

XXX

(Dec 3, 1:54pm)

I am beginning to write again.. Stay tuned.. thanks..

XXX

(Sep 10, 5:58pm)

After a really long time, I am home.. for 16-17 days in fact.. which is a nice feel.. I'm writing a  blog post after many months, and yes, you guessed it right... This is my home's influence..

This 2 bkh, river-view apartment, with its serene feel, moves me and motivates me like nobody else does.. My home and the positive vibes here have the power of a giant..

Gigantic yet pleasant and pacifying... very comforting... There's indeed a great power in memories.. Those of you who have not too many people around will second the thought.. Profound memories can drive you to do big things...

When I was 13 or 14, the other apartments on my 7th floor were under construction.. When masons would be gone, I would steal into those unfinished flats to have a better glance of the holy river Ganges..

From the rear balcony, in our flat, the view was partial.. An end of the river was all that was visible... you mistook it to be a pond..

XXX

On Sunday afternoons when Mum would be asleep after lunch and brother catching up movies on HBO, I would steal into those unfinished flats, and write my high school essays or do English literature workbook assignments..

The workbook assignments were mostly critical appreciations... you were required to evaluate the verses and the short stories.. with an element of philosophy, of course...

When I would sit atop some under-construction window wall, with my heart and sight fixed into the serene river, some of the best sentences would happen.. I would be able to write thought-provoking summaries.. and the teacher, Mr Matthew, would be very happy the next day..

Time flew and I left home for studies in different cities... It has been many years since the end of the river, which was visible from our rear balcony, dried up...

If you wish to see the Ganges, you go to the terrace... This time, there's a flood.. and the river has flowed in towards the west, enabling us a grand view again... after a decade long interval.. reminding me of my beautiful high school days... the boats are plying again, too...

XXX

Right now, it's a beautiful feel being at home.. I would be leaving tomorrow night, though... I'm in the living room... Reclining in an arm chair that I have dragged from a corner of the sitting parlour into the centre of the hall..

I'm facing the windows that open up to the river outside.. There's a pleasant wind blowing... There's a small pooja corner at the other end, beside the cluster of windows.. In some time, I would lit the 'diya' and do an 'aarti'.. We call it 'shonde' in Bengali.. Tea would follow..

Mum's no more here... but her portraits are hung all around in the ornate walls.. and there are strong memories..

XXX

There's not been much activity in the last two weeks in home.. I wake up late, take an English breakfast.. the maid cleans and arranges the house.. cooks lunch and leaves by 11:30.. By that time, I leave too..

Sometimes for idle shopping in some far-off mall... on other days, to visit mumma's friends or some family acquaintance..

I specially liked visiting Mrs Ghosh, the former principal of my mom's college, now in her mid 80s.. but agile enough to be a sporting host and delight you with her conversation... She taught History at the university but has more interest in English literature...

Which is why it clicks..

I visited her at her quaint, old bungalow at the centre of the city yesterday.. It's nestled at the end of a lane off the main road, and hence the noise of the traffic is not able to infringe in your heart-to-heart conversation..

There are a lot of trees there, some peeping into her leaving room... We talked for two hours... She pressed me to stay back for lunch, but I wanted to be home sooner..

She lived alone there untill only last month, when her daughter moved into her place with her two sons.. the older grandson had secured admission in a top 10+2 school in Patna, and her daughter decided to relocate to her native city...

XXX

All these days, after my noon outings would be over, I would come back home to have lunch and enjoy my afternoon siesta.. In the evening I seldom went out...

I cooked my dinner most of the time... Prawns... chicken... one day, I cooked noodles..

XXX

(April 30, 2:33pm)

Looking forward to a good Sunday, tomorrow..

Few school friends from Bangalore are in town, and we have planned a meet up... Watch a movie, may be..

Completely lost touch with the blog for sometime, but hope to write more frequently.. Certain plans are taking shape, and I needed to be discreet..

So hadn't been blogging really..

XXX

(Feb 2, 6:35pm)

The year has been great so far! I had three front page stories, including a front page lead..

The stories have been of some variety, and they received generally positive response on the net.. And that's beautiful..

XXX

On other fronts too, I'm making some deft plans.. My friend R, he bought a 2700 square feet plot in Maner... That's some 40 kilometres from Patna..

I'm hoping to buy one, too... It seems to be an attractive deal.. You can pay in four-year installment, which means you do not need to take the loan all at one time..

Let's see.. I'm visiting Patna for a 10-day stay next week.. May be I will go see the plot, and discuss it further with some of my advisors..

XXX

(Jan 20, 5:33pm)

Finally, it's cold in Delhi.. and thick with mist... The sun's gone into a hiding, like never to return..

I'm enjoying this weather, though.. It gives me a feel as if I'm in some European country... memories of Cardiff come alive..

When I had depression, I'd hate this weather.. I find it beautiful, now.. it doesn't worry me.. In fact, I feel more keen to read, and write, and go out exploring the city..

XXX

January reminds me of new books.. we had January to December sessions in school till the 8th standard.. so, the new year begun with a visit to Pustakayan and later Vidyapeeth.. shops, where Mum would buy us the new books..

The week would follow putting brown paper on them, and on the notebooks.. arduous task.. but we'd do it together over tea in the evening.. we'd love it..

XXX

(Jan 18, 9:54pm)

I have discovered this music show, Memory Stick on MTV..

They play all the 90s songs from 9pm to ten.. and that's perfect time and perfect music..

I come back from office, change, do the room and then I can just tune in to the beautiful melodies..

I think 90s gave us some of the most soul stirring romantic numbers, and with a fresh feel.. No, it's not that I am obsessed with bygone eras..

But then 1990s is hardly bygone.., those numbers do not give any gloomy feel.. or force you to brood... They are fresh.. electrifying.. they are very positive..

XXX

(Jan 18, 9:49pm)

I'm seriously considering joining the gym, take some dance classes.. and also, get myself a voice coach..

No, no, Bollywood is not in my mind.. but I thought it's time I started this..

Gym, because I should be more in good frame than I currently am.. I am genetically in good shape always.. that's a gift.. but I thought I should be more sharp..

XXX

Dance would be a good art to learn.. and it helps you express yourself.. we all should make the best use of opportunities..

I am a city person, but I do not come from a metro.. so, learning dance was not possible.. why not make this happen now, when I am permanently based in Delhi?

XXX

And voice coach.. yes, I need that.. I speak well.. but I am a very conscious person also.. for me 7.5 or 8 have never been of attraction.. It should be always 9 on 10.. and above..

And then, I may make a transition to TV in a couple of years.. Nobody would say I lack any skills for TV.. but then, I always believe in having a polish..

So, may be a voice trainer or a presenter could bring that polish.. Ain't that a good idea?

XXX

(Jan 18, 9:42pm)

Having quite a new year... everything is turning up well at work and beyond..

Got a front page lead story this week, in The Sunday Guardian.. The space is usually reserved for the strategic affairs editor and the political editor..

But my follow up on the Malda violence, with ground inputs, was liked by the bosses.. and they asked me to develop it for page one... eventually I got the headlines credit.. which was gratifying..

XXX

Then I have saved some money.. and everyday after work, I sneak into some coffee shop at CP.. and have a quiet, good time..

This is important when you are on your own in a big city.. and also, our work as a journalist can be often taxing..

So, amusement is necessary..

XXX

I have noticed I have had little outdoors amusement.. or eating out.. No, Im not a miser.. but since the very start of my career, I have lived independently..

Sharing your flat with a few mates saves you a lot.. I end up paying 17-18K for the rent, as I am alone..

There's not much to spare for recreational activity..

Then? What do I do?

XXX

(Jan 2, 10:06pm)

Who wants to spend Day 2 of the new year at office? But then, Saturdays are production.. So had to come..

It's a totally indoors day.. First I was alseep till 12 noon, and then I'm locked in office... But I guess, it is suddenly colder again..

Last evening, we were strolling around the city in light blazers.. now back to fur coats and jumper jackets..

XXX

I spent the day replying to messages on Facebook, watsapp, and other sms messages.. And posting birthday pics on Instagram.. ha ha..

Hope to enjoy tomorrow again... I think I'd be going out to eat Chinese with some friends.. Let's see.. I'm broke already.. will go and count, may be few hundreds are left...

XXX

(Jan 1, 11:34pm)

Yes, I was suspecting right.... the colleagues had planned a small surprise for me.. They had ordered a delicious chocolate cake..

Bolivian evasion or something, I can't remember.. But it was mouth-watering...

XXX

I sneaked out of office at 6pm.. didn't even switch off the computer for fear of getting caught.. told a trusted colleague to do so later..

Not that it would be a problem if the boss saw me going.. but I wanted to avoid any kind of conversation..

XXX

Went to Big Chill, a popular Italian restaurant at Khan market.. It was a beautiful way to sign off the new year day, which also was my birthday,..

Had this salad called, Salad Nicoise.. It was basically Tuna fish on a bed of lettuce.. with French beans, onion rings, tomatoes, black olives and a hard boiled egg.. served with some creamy vinaigrette..

For the main course, I ordered Portuguese Puri Puri sauce... it was baked fish, with bread and steamed vegetables...

All was good today, beaming a beautiful embrace to 2016, which I hope brings all smiles and no sob to my life.

Happy New Year, again!

XXX

(Jan 1, 4:18pm)

Brim with joy forever... Happy New Year 2016..

Started the day with a jog.. there's this lush, green ground nearby.. this was the first time I visited it..

New year resolutions are meant to be broken.. But I lived up to it partly.. the jog, hence, happened.. but three hours behind the schedule, at 9...

XXX

This is one of those rare birthdays, I am not in hometown.. In fact, this is only the third time I am not in Patna on Jan 1st...

So, I miss doing the pooja, and getting up very early to arrange for the pooja and then have my staple breakfast of cheese sandwiches and a glass full of orange juice..

But I prayed, nevertheless...

I hope to go to some good restaurant at Green Park in the evening, and eat out...

XXX

Have come here to office for a couple of hours.. my colleagues know this is my birthday.. may be they are doing something..

XXX

(Dec 31, 11:40pm)

31st December this time was quite a contrast.. as I said, I was strolling around in CP.. having food.. watching people revel in merriment..

Eearlier, these were silent closed door nights in Patna... in the 1990s...

People celebrated in home... streets were empty.. and it would be very cold, anyway..

XXX

Ours would be beautiful experience.. since 1st is my birthday, mom would be cooking till very late in the night.. preparing snacks and other things for the party the day after..

We would be watching TV.. and mom would ask us to taste the food... sweets...

There was something called Gits.. it was a kind of flour.. you had to make a dough and prepare balls.. you fried them and then dipped them in sugar syrup.. Your Gulab jamun was ready..

XXX

She'd ask us to taste the kabli chana too.. gulab jamun and kabli chana, Mum always prepared on my birthdays..

Then bread rolls... Chicken would be marinated and kept in the refrigerator... funny, but sometimes I would be tempted to taste the uncooked chicken too..

But, I never dared... Muma would not encourage such things..

XXX

Earlier in the day, we would go out finishing the marketing.. and personally inviting the family friends..

We had only one cake shop then.. it was called Cake Palace.. we'd go there too.. and while the cake was getting prepared, Muma would get us pastries..

We hated waiting.. but the pastries would interest us..

XXX

(Dec 31, 11:37pm)

Was strolling around CP after office.. had snacks at KFC and then sipped some good Irish coffee at CCD..

Which was nice.. If my friends were in town, I would have gone out somewhere.. there were a couple of invitations.. but those must be big get-togethers..

I didn't want to socialise.. two-three friends were ok.. but sadly, this time I was alone.. but I enjoyed.. well, if you are happy, you are happy.. that's it.. and I was pretty happy..

XXX