(January 16, 5:41pm)

We had to terminate Bharatiji's services...Couldn't help it...I dont think we can afford more helps at this time...

She was unwilling to go...I guess she found the work less cumbersome, and the compensation better than in most places..rather obvious reactions from somebody who survives on 2k a month, and with four toddlers to look after..I wish the Gods allowed me to be kinder...

XXX

It's S's b'de today...every year we would have volumes of talking over the sms..so many old memories awoke this day..

I wished her from my flight..it was nothing flattering or extraordinary..other days, id prepare in advance, doing and redoing the Best Wishes lines..not any longer..

The camaraderie is very much there, but not the time or mood i think...it's the same on the other side...only that the situations are different, the worries are stranger!

XXX

It's my Mousis (mother's sis) b'de too...the youngest one..she's now the only of the four sisters to survive..I have some incredibly bright memories of us celebrating the day..before grannie died and uncle could have his way..

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Mousi, unmarried and alone, couldnt help oblige his caprice..it's been five years since we talked...Last time, around 2007 i guess, when she saw me on the road, she sent her driver after me..but, before he could come, I got into an auto and left..

I mean, i feel either you be devoted in your concerns, or just dont pretend to be concerned at all..i know i shouldn't call that pretence, and most likely it is not..but, subdued concern and no concern, where's the difference..if you arent whole-hearted, you just arent there..

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That's a big reason i lose out on so many of my "good friends"..when i feel im no longer the attraction, i just walk out..its painful..very much to be true..and i guess attraction may not be the best word here..actually, im not able to explain..

I think im too loyal in my concerns..with friends, with relationships..there just cannot be being casuals there..but then, only few reciprocate..

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