(December 14th, 5 pm)

Im suffering from depression again....acute one...I don't feel like turning up for work....or do the things i like to do...

Actually, i want to do things i like doing...but can't find a way out....from this job, which is mostly humdrum...

but, i have to live somehow...and survive....because that is what religion tells you to do....it tells you life is beautiful...use it...actually, utilise it...it reassures the Gods are everwhere there...wanting to guide you...wanting to help you...

XXX

If i were marxist, id denounce that...id have the liberty to say, "ALL CRAP" when i dint feel them...or when i felt them, but didn't see them responding!

But im no marxist...so i guess id believe in the gods....mom doesnt like marxists...though she admires marx...

XXX

Sometimes i feel, i shud love evrything that mom loves...that would testify my love for her..but except the Congress, of-course....cant love the Congress for even mumma's sake...

XXX

Anyway, i was talking about life...i have to live, because religion tells me so..dying is sin...dying is coward...the wise reciprocate the thought..

So i come to office...and i live...Ocassionally i look at the gods and ask them to rearrange it all....but sorry...can't elaborate here more...its kinda private...though, i guess nobody reads my blog these days...the punch is missing...the punch which once lured a whole army of acjians into reading it....among them anon 99, anon defender, anon polished.

XXX

Anyway they are all living happily in there own worlds...and i wish them all the very best...without knowing them actually...

but how does it matter, anyway...i have to live...i have to come to office...and i have to earn and feed myself too..

May be i'll just leave this place..and move somewhere more meaningful..

XXX