(December 15, 5:45 pm)

Facebook applications are so true!

The other day i tried the one on marriage..and the outcome was genuine actually....it read "never."

"you're too stubborn, and wouldn't find anybody to put up with your cranky self."

Ahem ahem...the first thing i did was to delete the post, of-course...im sure few girls would like to have different ideas...on FB..why deprive myself of their kindness?

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But somewhere even i have begun to sense i wont get married...yesterday a my-dear school-teacher quizzes me on that...i told her marriage's not in card for next ten years..she was baffled..what's wrong with you, she asked..

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Even when i thought id get married, i had planned it just as late...at 33-34...i have seen when ppl marry early, they grow old just as early too...may be they just lose the zest to dress up...do their hairs..or look immaculate...at least id not want to be such grandpa at 55?

Mumma was so youth-like at even 60...
for, she became a mother at only 40..

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But, now its more than just the timing....i guess i won't find anybody at all..and then i don't see marriage as a requisite really...i mean if i marry, it has to be because i want to marry...and not because i need to marry..like you need to study, as you need the degrees..you need to work, as you need the trash to survive...

But then i'll have to find sbd i can love eternally...sbd i can renounce the world for...renounce also its ways..and much less the gifts that follow...when you toe the ways..

It has to be intense..so far i haven't loved anybody that stimulatingly i guess...except mumma and grannie..or may be madhuri dixit..

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Between, i dont agree with the adjective...cranky is too harsh you see...and then..seriously...im not..

its just that im too independent...and i have a way of doing things..i like perfection...and i guess i de-prioritise everything else in order to perfectify..

may be that puts people off sometimes...and then, when you're good at your work, you're really not likely to get friends too easily..

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So what do i do...no wife, alright...but no children, not alright...but how do i have children if i dont have a wife...no, no, im not inciting you for crappy humour...you see, im a right conservative..so id really not do things that i secretly condemn...

okay, i can adopt a baby..and bring it up..but then, its India..ppl wud talk crap..they will have fun...they will amuse themselves discussing my testosterone..

you know what i mean...i cant even do things that i like to do..because there's something like this society...and then there's this job...

I think ill have to re-arrange it all...but of-course the gods will have to will it first..im praying everyday...

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