(December 9, 1 pm)

I had been wondering all along how do I not dream her anymore. Or is it that i do, and then forget?

I realise, I forget.

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When I am awakened from my erratic sleep night before yesterday, I recall I had just dreamed about her....she was there...bestowing love...beaming her affection...perhaps caressing me in my sleep....like she would do when we weren't talking to each other...

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like some zephyr of love clasping me fondly...and gently...as if I were a baby....and this indulgence encouraging me to banter....before the day broke and everything else, including the stars and the moon, were undone!

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This time I remembered it, though..
thanks to the troubled sleep which hadn't benumbed my senses.

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Does this happen every night?

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There are at least four occasions that I remember. The first one was few days after September 14th.. And the second one, which was twice more distinct and twice more pleasant, was perhaps a few days later..

The third happened sometime around Durga Puja i guess...she had taken me for a day out this time... And it can't be mere strolling into the past... For, I remember telling her how the waters didn't scare me anymore.... around the Gangetic plains, where we walked along leisurely..."Since I had the bath there....on Ghat Krama," I told her when she asked me since when.

The fourth was on the quiet Diwali night...she greeted me...and blessed me...and took out the gifts she had brought for me..

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Last deepawali I was away from home...At ACJ... She had called me up and suggested I go out with friends...did I have any?

She told me she'd credit a 500 in my account.. Which, of-course, was meagre to the many thousands that were there already...

she had sensed I wasn't all that brimming with excitement....like I would when I was younger...counting the days for that 50 rs...which grandmum gave us on Dushehra.

She thought I had "grown-up"....like my brother and my cousin had grown up...

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And since grown-ups do not have piggy-banks to fill, trifles do not excite them really..

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For me, it does.
It seriously does.

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