(January 3, 3:41pm)

My depression is seriously worsening.. Since July I had somehow averted it.. but suddenly nothing seems to work.. May be it's the birthday effect.. Having put on a year, Im suddenly thinking too much on what awaits me in life?

And Who?

Who is more important I guess.. Who exactly I have? There's suddenly a deterioration in my situation from being alone to being lonely...

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Is it just brooding?

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But I ain't doing that willingly.. in fact i always try stopping that.. but this one is too compelling..

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So I was talking about what awaits me in life.. and who? What is not complex to know.. I have always shown promise at work..and it's likely that the good work would continue.. unless Im too hassled by mood swings....

But then, more importantly, who?

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I've no plans to get married next 7-8 years.. and may be I'll never marry at all.. I told you If i get married, it has to be because I want to get married.. and not because Im supposed to get married and have kids and cut across a happy, "look-Im-so-blessed" picture in the streets!

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The weather will kill me.. I need the sun.. that helps me handle depression.. Some friends suggest I saw the doctor.. because it's over a year.. and the depression is not subsiding...

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I seriously disagree with that argument.. Why should your grief over loss subside just because it's been some time..

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That means you never were in genuine love with who and/or what you have lost...

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I do not wish to see the doctor either.. he would most likely give me sedatives or some drugs.. that's a good way of lessening your pain for some time.. but in the long run, it becomes more powerful, more permanent..

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I have my own way tackling my depression.. I do that naturally.. like listening to music.. shopping.. doing my list of favourite things.. as if it were some festive season.. making work plans.. realising them.. etc etc..

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There's one happy outcome of the depression though.. Im talking to the Goddess more often.. and in more togetherness..

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