(January 2, 2:57pm)

I guess I should call it a mixed New Year... As unexpected rains spoiled whatever I had planned for birthday (1st Jan).. only 9 of 22 guests turned up.. and I had then hell of a time distributing the food and other stuff..

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It was a depressing weather...The Sun didn't beam us any blessings, any ray of hope.. I felt bad.. In fact I was, and I am, depressed.. It has suddenly resurfaced.. It did first at Gulmarg.. on 25th.. though N (Kashmiri Friend) had done everything that day to make me happy.. Inviting friends, getting me good food.. clicking my pictures every moment!

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But I thought I was out of place.. What was a cheerful company of friends seemed to me an indifferent crowd.. I know that was just my mind speaking... the boys were good..

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I felt better on 26th.. when he (N) took me through a joyride in Srinagar.. this time only his girlfriend befriending us.. Kashmir University was a delight.. The place reverberated with the learning of great men.. And with all the hope, loss, trust, and betrayal which they have witnessed in muted horror!

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Am I suddenly managing my friends better?
Am I coming out of my exile and becoming more social?

Pure statistics tells me yes..

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I got over 75 b'de greetings on FB..
and half if not as many sms-es...

And no ends of calls..

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Dunno

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Im sad.. May be because Im away from Kashmir, and away from the dear company of N.. who so cared for me, and loved me.. his family too.. and then my b'de is over, and there are no plans to make now..

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Iv seen plans keep me busy.. whenever I've plans, and whenever Im on toes executing them, my depressions remain elusive.. But there aint any plans now (apart from work commitments).. and there aint any hope now..

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But for consoles, im home..

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Please Goddess..
Give me some hope, give me some strength!

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