(April 11, 3:39pm)

I'd never thought, i could possibly hate weekends because the public offices remain closed then...God, the lure and want for money prevail over everything else!

Anyway, I dropped in at the uni right in the morning, and then again in the second half..the progress is brisk actually...both internal and govt audits are over, and the files now await the sanction of the authorities..

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But i still entangle myself with more ambiguity than hope...it's a de-constructive technique that sustains me against despair often..like when im already saddled with gloom, im bound to reap in hope with even mundane outcomes..

It has worked for me in multiple situations...when im being hopeful on the other hand, even genuine situations turn darker for me..i cant explain that..but that happens invariably..

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Anyway, lets see when the money arrives..i have just 22 hundreds now...between, assurances of the Gods..and an unsolicited offer of help from mumma's pal..lets see...i prefer and wish for the first one..which is not to demean the family friend's concern..

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Today is AShtami..and then tommorow Ram Navami..id be going out with some friends for Arti..i have some really fond memories with mumma on this day..so it's better i re-live them in some way, some sense..rather than brood about what is lost..

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Oh...between...the Goddess's pendant has had a balming effect..I have ordered them specially from Himalaya Rudraksha Sansthan...they have sent the Goddess's idol along with..and her footprints and a "yantra" too..i've installed them all at the pooja..

THey have sent three pendants actually..one im wearing, and the remaining two i have dedicated for mumma's well-being and peace..one across her picture..and the other one, beneath the pillow in her bed..

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One ACJ friend called me up..he wants to get into The xyz publication, and he wanted me to suggest ways...it's nice to know people approach me to strategise..may be they think i could be pragmatic..and may be they also feel im accommodating...thats good to know actually...since, there have been few others who think im high-handed..just because i do not hang-out often..

That saddens me...how can you be evaluating me without even assessing me?

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