(Aug 30, 11:32am)

I was talking to a Mangalore journalist yesterday... she was the flat mate of my ACJ colleague working with me in The Hindu there..

She thinks I have done good work in the year.. I replied no matter the work profile, I am depressed...

I told her, if she remembered the stories I did in Kashmir... the ones based on case studies... detailed stories done over days, weeks... That's how I like doing things..

I want to work in conflict regions, exploring human life in difficult circumstances, and giving them a platform to be heard in some way..

She said she very much liked those stories from Kashmir, and wondered what had been stopping me..

I could still go and do that all over again, she suggested.. Taking a decision now is easier; five years down the line many other factors would be at work, she told me..

XXX

The other day, while at lunch with Britain's Deputy Prime Minister who visited India, I got clicked...

The first one in five months, since I joined IANS...

I had apprehensions it wouldn't be a good click.. Since March, I have worked incessantly and had not been eating well... since I do not have a fridge, I cannot store non veg food...

I have been surviving on breads in the morning, a non-inviting, not nutritious office lunch, and a plain dal-rice I cook when I return from work at 9:30pm...

XXX

Of-course, I knew my looks have been deteriorating.. But it was all evident when I finally got clicked... The pic, which I somehow still used as DP on facebook, was just not okay..

The flaws were glaring.. To begin with, I looked lean... not unexpected, but disappointing yet... Then my hair too was not proper..

But here, I shouldn't be upset.. actually the man in Javed Habib is trying a different style, which will show only after 4-5 sessions..

The smile was a big let down.. and I will tell you why... first of all, there was this whole lack of practice.. Earlier I was getting clicked every second day.. I knew exactly what would look good on a snap...

How much of a smile, what kind of a smile, everything... the lack of practice meant the smile didn't look spontaneous.. and then, because my face muscles around the cheek have sunken, the smile didn't shape up well...

Anyways, coming to the body language again, the same lack of practice did the spoilsport.. the poise was no comparison to the snaps I took in Cardiff... hmm...

XXX

Anyway, all that would be corrected... I always have remedies... not because I am a genious... Trust me, God always have remedies hidden in discomforts... We just need to look around, collate our strength, and put up a fight..

Between, I forgot to tell you, the eyes too looked dull...No, I don't have dark circles, but somehow there was not any gleam either..

XXX

So basically, I need a refrigerator..So that I would have proper food.. A slower pace at work too is needed..

XXX