(April 23, 9:40pm)

Feeling very lonely..

There would be such times earlier too.. when muma and I wouldnt be talking.. these last years.. when her mindless charities and expenses would land us in trouble..

And seeing that she would neither admit it nor make any promise of not repeating it, i would stop talking..

XXX

Looking at the Ganges from behind the window panes would follow.. long ones.. I would just watch the river flow.. and look at the moon, the stars, often constellations of them..

Thinking I was the most unhappy child.. and wishing there were grandmom still around to check my mum's ways..

XXX

But now, when the long sessions of solitude are still there, but muma not there, I realise I was in better position then..

Though she would keep her locked in her room, and there wouldn't be any talking, at least her presence was there.. and so long that presence was there, hopes were there... even false hopes can sustain you miraculously, I now realise in their absense!

XXX

And as I said, this friend is acting strange and indifferent..
He cut my phone too..

XXX