(February 4, 6:15pm)

Is destiny unfolding itself again?

May be it is..but i am not totally sure..or may be i dont want to read too much hope at this point and then feel let down..it makes it more miserable you see..

XXX

But i have my own way of handling that...i have noticed, whenever it's actually time for some metamorphosis, i start behaving more desperate...and that includes totally closing in, and not taking calls of even those who are my closest..i begin playing up my adversities, and i also start imagining it was the end of it..

Of-course that's just faking it, but over the years i think i have mastered it enough..i don't need to attempt it now..it's become spontaneous!

XXX

You may say this is de-constructive..but then, you are not in my place and you have no idea of how it feels being here..so don't be judgemental..you may be rightly dismissive, but you can't be totally accurate in your perception..as i said, you are not in my place..so you are more likely to perceive it from an angel that judges the behaviour, but may be not the situation that goads it!

XXX

And then frankly, what's wrong in employing anti-constructive (thats how i see it) techniques, if it relieves you of your pain..i mean it actually does..say if the desired luck pulls in, it feels great..im not just happy, i also am "surprised" at the good tidings..and just as unexpected troubles are more wayward to handle, unexpected luck too is doubly relieving!

XXX

Anyway, it's been some 17-18 of Miss K's calls, that ive missed..Apoorva too..he got scared and asked Ashu to try calling me..this time i had to receive it..this guy has done so much at the funeral, i cant be indifferent to him..

XXX

Lets see..the two guys are not calling me now..may be they know i need some time to myself..i like them both so much..i hope i am able to get back to them soon..

XXX

It would be 10 years of grannie's passing away..how time distances us from people we love..18th Feb..where would I be then?

XXX