(February 5, 5:42pm)

10 years since that morose Sunday of February 18, 2001...
God, it's been ages..

XXX

I saw her last on 10th i guess..when i hopped from school to uncle's place..where she lay on her bed with the back rest..she smiled at me..and despite a feeble health imposing upon her spirits, she tried to make it a broad one..she asked me what maa had cooked for lunch....

I recounted obediently..But her attention wandered..and her memory too had been flickering that day..filling me with horror..filling me with dismay..

Was it time, finally??

XXX

When Mami (maternal uncle's wife) came to see me off, i waved at her one last time..she nodded affectionately..before the back-rest slipped, and mami ran to her for support..i waved again..and she also nodded again..but with some effort..

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How i wish i had had known it was the last time..i'd have then bowed down and kissed her hands..which had fondled me and carassed me..cared for me and cooked for me..i would have stopped the clock, and remained by her..without rest,without respite..pressing her feet, reading her books..

XXX

But time conceals the truth..
as we need to prepare for it and fight with it..

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On 11th i visited the parlour which was a stone's throw from grannie's place..i remember how i really was tempted to see her again..i had in fact walked half the lane already, from where her house was visible..but then suddenly retracted..

Mama and Maa had not been talking for sometime, and it felt awkward..of-course he wont say or do anything to me..but still, it felt wierd to be there again..after only a night..

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On 13th or may be 14th, grannie had an illusion that i had come..she forced mami to go looking for me..but then, it was just a salesman outside..

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On 17th i missed my last chance to see her..it was saturday, and a half-day at school..i had planned to quickly change at home and have lnch, and then rush to see her..but outside the school-gate, after classes were over, some juniors gheraoed me..

Times were different then..I was not a recluse as some people know me now..i had had following among the juniors..who liked me and loved me..and who also wanted to see me win...they said AK had been alarmingly planning for the council polls, and that something needed to be worked out soon..

When i finally was home after the discussions, i was too listless..and mumma too was away..i thought we'd go together when she comes..but then, she came at only 8 and we had to postpone it for the next day..

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On Sunday dawn, I dreamed myself trying to reach for her..there was this long, stretch of road that connected to grannie's place..i was there in the rickshaw, passing by that old temple that lay beneath the tree..it's doors were locked, and the Goddess was nowhere there..it was cold and dark outside, and the rustling of leaves made an eerie feel..

I kept telling the rickshaw-wallah to drive more fastly, but strangely nothing would move..

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Morning:

Mumma told me she had packed noodles for grannie....i was hurriedly getting ready..but then, just as i had taken bath and was about to put on the jacket, the door-bell rang..

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Our phone wasnt functioning, and so this neighbour had been asked to convey the news!

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