The old Hindu rituals were neither absurd nor mundane...I realise that now....It's 15 days and I'm still clad in white....Willingly!

For I can possibly never summon the courage to drape myself in colours...I tried some very light ones the day the "Shraddha" was solemnised....

for few moments.....before it began tormenting me!

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People in the neighbourhood know the rites are over....and so they steal glances on me when I move around in my "kurtas"....

The guards, the hawkers.....and people in general.....they all stare....and they must also be talking when I'm gone...I can't help it yet...

WHITE gives me peace; everything else is nauseating!

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I still offer food to my mom....tea....sweets....and whatever else is cooked....

Siddhant was looking disapprovingly that day....He tried asking whom was the plate for, knowing well that it was for mom...

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I ask my bro to prepare tea for her every morning and leave that in the table beside her bed....

So far he obliges....but I'm afraid he might soon confront...what would I do, then?

I can't make tea myself....What would I offer mom, then?

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Xaviers friends are trying their best to cheer me up....First they worked to death to make the "Shraddha" ceremony grand....

and now they gather at my place every evening and take me out...Yesterday they took me to St Xavier's and recreated some happy moments from our olden days!

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Today Ashu is coming with his gang, again...They will cook "Murga aur Pulao" and watch movies..............their heartfelt efforts to dissipate the gloom!

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Between "He" has sensed it, I guesss.
It = one last effort to restore our finances..

"He" would never will it happen...If I'm adequate, "He" loses me. If I'm crippled, "He" gets my custody...something "He" lost 22 years back..

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Goddess, please let the deal be done....and let that be done the way I have imagined....Pls Goddess....

The tepid in "him" thinks if I don't manage the finances, I move in to his place...But at least you know, that I'd rather go to the dogs...

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Afford me the dignity, grant me the honour....
Please Goddess, let the deal be done!

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