(Oct 22, 7:38pm)

Between, I would be taking some books to Delhi... I have so many of them here.. and I have had them for years,.

You would laugh, but you know I feel a strange attachment to books I have had for years.. It almost seems to me, they are real beings..

XXX

The crotons have survived yet another long spell of lack of care.. The home was locked for four months.. yes, they have dried.. but not dead..

These are the crotons, Mumma used to have in her balcony garden... only the crotons are left now.. so often, they are without water for three-four months.. and yet they survive...

Perhaps the rain waters, once in a couple of months, help them survive.. and whenever I am here, I water the plants everyday..

And they recoup really well... and sustain, till I return the next time..

I feel bad about this lack of arrangement, but there's little I could do...

XXX

(Oct 22, 7:33pm)

I have train tomorrow.. Already feeling nostalgic.. home is so good.. and there's people around.. neighbours I have known for so many years...

I reach Saturday morning, and there's office the same day.. and production it is.. which means I'd be slogging till midnight... so, quite a contrast, you see..

XXX

I will have to pack a lot of winter dresses... as Delhi would be cold soon.. and I don't have warm clothes there..

Anyway, the solace is that I'd be back here again next month.. and that's the time my childhood friend would be getting married...

So, that would be wonderful time... Let's see...

XXX

(Oct 22, 7:25pm)

It was a good Vijaya Dashami day.. but less of a festive day..

I didn't throw any lunch or anything for friends or neighbours.. I have my train tomorrow, and I thought if I invited anybody, there would be no time to myself..

And I'd get really tired by the end of the celebrations.. Anyways, I went to my dad's place.. and had a quiet lunch with him..

A vegetarian one, as it is a Thursday...

XXX

When I returned home in the evening, I took a shower and got ready for the evening aarti at home.. It was a nice feel..

I did the aarti of the Goddess after ages.. In Delhi, I don't have any such arrangements... After a long time, I have been again connecting to the Goddess on a daily basis, and that is wonderful..

Not that anything is missing in the relationship.. The Goddess is always there for me.. but then, connecting is a different thing.. and I'm happy there's more of it finally..

XXX

(Oct 21, 11:25pm)

When grandmom too was alive.. and a little younger.. that is basically the days, when I was still in primary school, Durga pooja was much grander..

We celebrated together... I mean mom would take us to grandmum's place, who lived with my maternal uncle, aunt, two masis and our cousin..

It was a big family.. In the evening, when everybody would be getting ready, I would do a perfume check..

I would ensure everybody had used some perfume.. Getting decked up was a necessary ritual to all of us.. and us children would be more excited.. and more particular about it..

And I thought, unless you had had the perfume, your ensemble was not complete..

Actually, I am sweetening my language.. the truth is, I thought you were totally useless.. if you were minus the perfume..

XXX

(Oct 21. 11:20pm)

When I was very young, Mom would take me, my brother and cousin to see the different poojas in the city..

Specially, the pandals and the decorations.. when we would return, she would buy us toys at the pooja fairs..

One of my favourite was the paper crocodile, with a string to hold it... As you moved, it would crawl in the ground and its neck would go in and peep out of a hole or something..

To us, back then, it almost seemed it was alive.. and its movements were real..

I don't see such toys being sold now at the Durga pooja venues... children have advanced... they have their tabs.. and their games..

The crocodile is dead! And somehow, I feel bad..

XXX

(Oct 21, 11:13pm)

I'm holidaying here in Patna.. and it feels so good.. because it's Durga poojo.. and everything around this time brings back such profound memories..

Memories of childhood.. You may be brought up in different milieus.. among different people... in different circumstances..

But reliving moments of childhood is a similar feeling.. and it always leaves you with so much joy and energy..

XXX

Yesterday, went to watch aarti at Ramkrishna Mission Ashram.. this morning, I went to PWD club, which is near the old museum, and attended Sandhi pooja..

I gave pushpanjali too..

And in the evening, I went there again.. they had this traditional drum beaters, who performed during the aarti of the Goddess Durga, for nearly an hour..

And this was then followed by Rabindra sangeet, performed live at stage by three different artists..

Thereafter, there was a dance drama of Rabindranath Thakur's Chandalika..

XXX

It's proving a little difficult as my long time maid has left our services.. but then, I am managing.. i cooked too..

I asked the guard to send me another maid.. but it seems, everybody is gone to her native places for the festival..

XXX

Tomorrow is the last day of the festival.. I will be taking a tour of the city tomorrow, to visit the grand Pandals that have been put up..

In the evening, I will again go and watch the PWD club aarti.. It was too good..

XXX

(Sep 14, 22:37pm)

Luckily, Rohan left pretty early this morning.. so, there was enough time to get ready, clean the house, and do prayers for Mumma, who left for her heavenly abode five years back this day..

And while in office, in the evening, which are generally laid back on Mondays, I wrote some thing.. Do have a read, please..

XXX

Five years ago, when Mumma passed away on this day, in a morning overcast by clouds but with no hint of rain, there was something that benumbed me more than the obvious pain you can fathom in a moment like this.

It was the uncertainty.

Uncertainty of how death might impress, perhaps alter, my relationship with the person I loved the most.

Will her voice echo in my mind and remain distinct? Or, will it be lost? Like the chatter in a playground, which is replaced by silence when children are gone.

Will I be able to quickly and clearly recall her appearance and her face? Or, will they become hazy?

Will her lessons and her values stimulate me? Or, will they seem to me no longer important? Like the remnants of a dream, after you have woken up to a morning full of engagement.

For a long time, this uncertainty ruffled me and did not let me be happy. Till I realised, a relationship is beyond it. The sight, the touch, the voice may all disappear, but a relationship will not.

For, love alone adorns it. And since love is not temporal, it cannot be lessened by physical decay. It is also my belief that when God takes away your parents untimely, He bestows in you the power to connect to them spiritually.

On this day, as I remember my Mom, here's lots of love, prayers and best wishes for all those who have lost their parents young.

XXX