(June 24, 5:20pm)

Met 'him'.... but too tired to type now.. will share later..

XXX

(June 23, 5:35pm)

Got the stamp paper for the agreement.. Rohan and I would be visiting him tomorrow... Hopefully, one last time... and the work also gets done!

XXX

(June 22, 1:36pm)

Not going to "his" place today... Didn't get the stamp paper, in which he has to vouch once he gets muma's fam pension every month, he would transfer equivalent money to our account..

XXX

Hopefully, I'll get that tomorrow.. and would be meeting him on Sunday.. Roha* says he'd come along..

XXX

(June 21, 9:01pm)

So I called him up again.. inquiring whether he went to the uni to clear up his artificial doubts regarding the family pension thing..

He was like: "Ya you gime the copy of family pension payment order and your mom's death certificate.. I'll do that.."

XXX

Now what the hell... "Hello, you have to sign an undertaking, that once the family pension will be credited, it will be transferred to our account every month.."

XXX

He said he would do that... But can he be trusted.. Rohan says why not, he can just take it all himself and add to his already existing booty..."

And then contradicted, "Don't think he'd be so evidently treacherous.. He has to live in the same community afterall..."

XXX

We might be going to his place tomorrow... This would be practically my first time, after mama's death...

XXX

(June 21, 1:09pm)

I am not going for Ap**va's sister's wedding... No, no.. I didn't pick up any quarrel or anything..

It's just that I wouldn't be able to make bumpy seven-hour volvo ride to Ranchi.. and these days I anyway don't feel like talking to anybody..

XXX

This man... who has just become 'this man' for the last 21 months, now says he is not eligible to draw the family pension, and hence cannot pass that off to us either...

The shift from "I wouldn't help" to "I am not able to help" is due to continued persuasion from multiple quarters, who hope he would relent..

XXX

Let's see... Somebody is taking him to the university this week to dispel his "ineligibility" doubt... I hope I get mumma's family pension as soon as possible...

XXX

It's been 30 thousands of income and 50 thousands of expenditure for the last so many months.. and this can't go on forever..

Particularly now, when I don't have much to bank on, and when the uni might just take some time to clear mumma's dues..

XXX

And don't think I am depending too much on mumma in even her absence.. the truth is I was fully equipped to live comfortably had I not to look after a rented property in Patna which consumes 20 thousands every month..

And I can't let go off this house, even though I stay here not more than 30-40 days a year.. This's been my home of 13 years.. my dead mother's only memorabilia..

XXX

The only hope against this economic mess is I get the 24k fam pension every month.. which he has to withdraw in his name and then pass off..

Will he?

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And don't think I'm being naive... Don't think I am counting on somebody who has actually usurped 20 lakhs of mom's money..

It's not expectation... It is just social diplomacy and hoping for it's plain rewards...

XXX

I will be calling him this evening.. Hopefully he would have gone to the university and learnt he is eligible... and willing to help..

Otherwise, there's another couple of people who would be meeting him..

XXX

(June 14, 10:07pm)

Twenty one months!

Did all the prayers and remembrances.. decorated the display pic in the hall, too!

XXX

Since yesterday, it's been very depressing.. and somehow I dont even feel like gathering my strength and brave and surmount the odds..

Don't you suppose my strength, my endurance, deserve to be put to something more meaningful? Like writing my novel.. ??

XXX

Will this man ever agree to the family pension thing? I'm 25 and I have job, so I am not eligible to the 24k pension that stands to the family in muma's absence.. but he can.. and if he so desires he can take it and then pass it off to us?

XXX

Will he ever? At least this much favour "he" can do? he wouldn't have to spend anything from pocket, and he can hand over the money to us, with which I can realise mom's unfinished dreams, like perhaps getting a flat of our own?

At least, having usurped 20 lakhs, he can pass over this government money to us..

XXX

(June 12, 9:16pm)

Will he or won't he?

XXX

But then most of you don't know the context.. and I am too tired to type.. But will surely do tomorrow!

XXX