(Aug 9, 4:27pm)

Finished the water privatisation story.. and sent it.. Oh, it's like some mountain of a burden gone!

XXX

Sunday I have the Satya-Narayan pooja at home.. Pandit ji's given me a list of shopping, which I would do tomorrow and day after..

XXX

(Aug 7, 5:50pm)

Let me finish the Water Privatisation story today. It's big headache... pending for months..

XXX

(Aug 6, 5:37pm)

I seriously need to sort up things and be off for Del fast... can't keep out of work so long.. It's damaging... more importantly, it's boring..

Let's see.. hopefully by Dushehra..

XXX

(Aug 2, 10:57pm)

Happy Raksha Bandhan day!

XXX

Don't think I have a small world..

I have a big World..
Which is sparsely populated!

XXX

My Kashmiri sis, sent me a beautiful animated Rakhi.. My only one in many years.. God bless her!

XXX

(July 24, 8:07pm)

The date was 24th July, 2011..

And the date is 24th July, 2012!

"Goodbye.. "

XXX

Isn't this funny, of the few people I have ever opened up to or considered my family, not one has remained with me?

And I have always known this, right?
That people will love me and then leave me...

XXX

That first they will praise my writing skills, my academic skills, my time management skills, and then in complete disdain to all that they themselves said was laudable, would loathe me and count faults in me..

Then? Why did I allow myself to be responsive?

XXX

But luckily, each time these 4 or 5 people left me, the Gods ensured "they" undid their own thoughts and compassion with continued abomination..

So that I would not remember them,
or at any rate wait for them..

XXX

The Gods do little kind things... 

Since they have to remain Gods.. 

But what about bigger ones?

XXX

By the way, is "not remembering" easy? 

And what happens after you have bade goodbye?

Do all the gloom and darkness, become thing of the past really? Do all your tormentors, who you once loved in your naivety, disappear... never to come back in your sad regrets again?

XXX

(July 23, 11:16pm)

Okay, the astrologer tells me my depression is so compelling, he doubts I might secretly be having suicidal tendencies..

I didn't know how to react... I thought my pretence of a normal composure was flawless.. like it has generally been, these 22 months..

XXX

But in a way, it's good.. If it were not for the unerring conviction of this stranger, who pointed out things I thought I manged to camouflage, I wouldn't believe his craft...

XXX

"Mom was dynamic... It wouldn't suit me to act as failure.. And my ambitions.. they will never allow me be a failure.."

"Though, yes, I sometimes don't even feel like getting up till late afternoon, or do anything at all" I told him..

XXX

He's suggested me stones..
Will I by them?

Well, judging by how these have worked on a friend, I guess 20 thousands wouldn't be wasted..

XXX

On the good front, he thinks all external factors, such as mom's retirement dues would be settled without much effort..

"And your career will be always eventful.."

"Name, fame, your novels.. it's destined already..."

XXX

(July 19, 10:26pm)

Now some gossip...

Not that I never anticipated this, but it did surprise me when I realised the ACJ hate club is alive and kicking..

XXX

These are same odd bunch, my Group A mates in semester 1, who loved sullying me..

They had even managed this Delhi girl, whose first name began with the letter A, to adjust her top with practised aplomb, and then booze out in the middle of the class, "You are embarrassing me...."

XXX

Anyway, it so happened, now that I am putting as many, if not too many, FB pics as the average person does, the ACJ detractors have got charged up..

But.. one minute.. Why did they suppose I commend the pictures to their kind evaluation, at the first place??

XXX

Anyway, so one of these detractors, who is again a girl from Delhi, and interestingly whose name also begins with the letter A, went on making nasty remarks about each one of my DPs to perhaps each one of the ACJ guy she was in touch with..

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Ufff... madam, madam... Why can't you sense one simple, and I am sure evidently visible fact that "I-give-you-a-damn?"

And at any rate, your calling my pictures bizarre, won't make them bizarre..

XXX

The disparaging PR continued for quite some time, before the gossip fell into a 'trusted-friend's" ears, and was communicated to me in absolute detail..

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And this is what I then messaged her on FB..

"Delighted to know, that even though I consider you totally unimportant for me and do not certainly list you in my faintest of imagination, you have all the time in the world to notice, remember, and then discuss, albeit nasty things, about even my FB pictures...

Take Care Madam.. PS, the one you had a secret, hearty laugh with about me was, alas, a turncoat!

And yes, next time you want to seriously laugh over something, just look into the mirror.. your tacky, uncombed hair anyway looks just as bizarre."

XXX