(May 2, 11:01am)

The electricity bills have come...the paper bills too...the cable too..even maintenance...and it's also time i paid the rent..and the servants..

Okay, it's usually the 5th or 6th of the month when payments are done..so i still have few days left..

After it what?

XXX

At least the Gods would know, it was not in abundance alone that i believed them!

XXX

Mr M called yet again..to tell me the advice no. is come...thats the number through which grants are transferred from the uni to the bank..and then payments done...

So?

Is that relief??

Im not gonna believe anything unless i have it for real!
Remember i told you about de-constructive optimism??

XXX

Osama is dead..

I know you know...and im really not the type who post breaking news statuses on FB...for i know others are just as much alive and vigilant..

But i mean, is that good?
That Osama is dead?

XXX

Of-course die he must..but what about the time-tested postulate of checks and balances..America, save our obsession for its universities, is no monk either..Right?

XXX

(April 30, 12:21pm)

It was last year's 30th April...around 5pm i guess....when i went to SKM sir, and talked to him one last time..as the dean...and i his student..

I told him how i have always liked only few people...nobody romantically...although i have admired the presence of elegant men and women...judging them, of-course, on my own scales..and valued them, and desired their attention...and sought their love..

Even blandish..

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People who are suave yet humble..dignified yet affable..ready to accommodate others around them, but not letting their privacy go....Whose bearing reflected in little things, and whose learning came alive in even idle talk....their sense of fashion..their aplomb...and all of it innate... not learned...

How I have loved such people, and desired to get into their good books..I told him about Mary Pascal..how i thought she were Snow White coming out of the books..and few others...

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And then, as though suddenly unbound from my elements of discretion, I told him "I liked you...the last time I liked Ms SR, i was only 12...and who knows the next time i'd be well past 30".."Of-course, there have been others too..but they ain't elders...and i guess you're always more obsessed with people who are older, and may be hence, inaccessible".."leaving you, perhaps, in happy, imagined bonhomie.."

XXX

I guess he liked it..he told me how he himself wasn't gregarious..and how this made him vulnerable to getting misunderstood often..

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He gave me a wonderful piece of writing too..from his treasured collection..and told me, "It was an extra-ordinary experience to have a student like you.."

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We talked really long....for an hour and half or more...before, home beckoned!

XXX

(April 27, 12:17pm)

The file has come back to the accounts...now let us see, how it goes from here..I have given my bank pass-book to Mr M..

XXX

I told the Goddess (not the regular one, the other Goddess), to speed up things..I can't live in want and apprehension..

and you know what..

In barely 30 minutes she responded..I opened the door to find the courier man with a cheque...the Times Group have unsolicitedly, and unexpectedly, reimbursed my travel expenses..

But then, for most of you there it's purely a good timing and nothing more!

XXX

(April 26, 11:32am)

So having got their names from Mr. Holmes, i checked the FB profiles of the girls...obviously, this was curiosity..

How the two lil miss-es from ACJ look..??

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But don't get it wrong...i wasnt lookin' to delight myself with noodle-strap tops or skirts...it's just that i wished to know if they were brawny enuf...like in order to give back amply, rather than just taking..

Remember I told you, they would be joining *angalore desk..??

XXX

Hmm, so one of them is domineeringly parched on the roof of a vehicle, while the other one's is a group photo, where one girl is wearing spaghetti..

Good good..

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Neither of them is going to take their lurid jokes!

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(April 24, 12:03pm)

"...Three times Della counted it. One dollar and eighty- seven cents. And the next day would be Christmas.

There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little couch and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating..."

XXX

I have loved the lines, ever since Mr Mathew read them out on a bright February afternoon...in std IXth, in St Xavier's..

I was instantly in love with Jim and Della..

Their love, their quarrels...their remorse, their caprice.. their sense of happiness in little things, all of that had appealed to me and attracted me..

XXX

But who would have thought, someday, one afternoon, I too would be counting my tens and my fiftees...and get delighted at the sight of an unexpected hundred..

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Yesterday, I sneaked into mumma's room and checked the hand-bag..it's the same one which she had taken out on our last outing...on September 4th...when we shopped for her b'de..

She carried a few thousands..and although it was in her nature to shell everything out, 340 rupees had remained..she wanted to eat out, but i thought we were late already..

I took them all...this might be enough for three days or four..and by then, may be i will have got the clearance..lets see..

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People still think im well-off....may be because they have no cut-downs to spot...but all that would be apparent after the end of the month..when i wouldnt have trash to make payments..or clear maintenance bills...

But, wouldn't the Gods have intervened by then and bring me comfort?

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First time i feel happy my readers have chosen to be anonymous..otherwise i'd have the compulsion to be discreet...and that is not how you relieve yourself of stress...

Okay people would be still reading it..but then, i'd not be knowing who all..and so im also not likely to be embarrassed when i come across a likely reader of my post..and then the rules of sham ignorance would be applicable to them too..

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That's nature..like when you close your eyes, you think the cat is gone..your mind might be telling you the truth...but you wouldn't believe that....

We need comfort..and hence we also device ways to get that...deliberate ignorance is one such way, whenever you are at odds..

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Okay Sherlock Holmes tells me two ACJ girls are going to join *angalore desk..God save them...and may good sense prevail on the two perennial suckers...

I just hope they be super-brawny types, who can kick people's butts tightly if required..like when jokes with sexual innuendos are hurled..which are habitual of the two half-wits there..

XXX

(April 23, 10:58am)

Im goin to have an anxious weekend...

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(April 21, 1:04pm)

So, what do i do with Delhi calling? Just chuck it..but thats a big offer again..and can i afford the decisions im taking??

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Anyway, i guess im preoccupied with so many other things now..like my finances..there's money in waiting...but that has to come too? Right?

Otherwise whats the use..

why did the Panchayat polls had to happen only now...most of the staffs are missing...and thats delaying it more..

And on the top of it, im left with just 300 bucks..Oh God, pls speed up things...since im in no mood to slow down wth my expenses..and in any case, its too late for that..

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Lets see..im going to the uni again today..hope there's good news in the anvil..

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