(February 26, 6:56pm)

Submitted the short story finally..To the Commonwealth contest..and four days before entries closed..It's about a boy and his silent anxiety..as his mother readies herself for her remarriage..19 years after father died..

Apprehension..angst..betrayal..panic..fury..all come together into weaving a 600-word plot..hope this was decent enough..

XXX

(February 25, 5:46pm)

Looking ugly.
And this can't be helped.

XXX

Because, first, for some strange reason, if im not having any stubbles, im looking dull and dismayed..for the past few months..and please, i can't have stubbles all the time..

It itches..

XXX

Secondly, im attempting to grow my hair..like it was before 2008...but the process is unnerving...it looks so unkempt..i mean once you have grown it full length, you can shape it as you desire..but before that, it's so unmanagable..and so untidy..

At least for the last five times, i have crossed half the mark..at the risk of being hideous..and then chopped it finally...as the mirror said "eeks!"

XXX

Today again, my resolution is beginning to flee..
lets see..

XXX

(February 9, 4:57pm)

Yesterday was grannie's 10th death anniversary and i couldn't really do anything..except pray, and wish for her well-being..

yeah, her well-being..i strongly believe in the Hindu doctrine of life..which says, life manifests itself in many forms..while it travels through the cosmos, in time and in space..as if some stream of impervious energy threading itself with eternity....how can death deny us existence, when we had been living much before we were born?

XXX

If maa were there, i'd have asked her to get a grand puja done..for her peace..for her comfort..which is not to belittle the significance of silent, simple prayers rendered by the heart..

XXX

Lawyer tells me they have a strike in Patna HC..till 21st or 22nd..after which he will file a contempt of Court...The uni has forfieted the 6 weeks it was asked to reply within..

XXX

(February 17, 4:57pm)

Mr M called again..he says mom has some FD of 1 lacs..which can be surrendered after march 31st..

Yeah, even i think she has...He told me how in 2008 mumma had gone rushing to him on march 30th, for filing her IT dues..31st was the last date..and he says, while preparing her papers in only a day, he had also advised her for investing, as otherwise, she would have ended paying up some 3 lacs...

But mumma, on the contrary, wanted to donate the 2 lacs she had then to some public hospital..as that would not just get her tax reliefs, it would help the needy too..

But according to Mr M, he had somehow managed to convince her against it..at least partly..he says mumma had donated only 1 lac, and had invested the rest..

And Mr. M also thinks she could not have possibly surrendered it midway, because it was not a flexifix..it cannot be surrendered before 2011..He was totally sure of it, since he said he himself had done the paper-works..mumma had only signed..

Yeah, i remember..mumma had donated the amount to Modi's trust...But where are the bond papers for the FD..i had searched her cupboard and other things while in patna..it's not there..

I dont even have any clues about the policy number..or anything that can help me get duplicate papers issued..Even Mr M doesnt have a photocopy..it was the last day for filing IT..and he himself had to hush hush things..

So now what?

Our stocks are going to last till only March 31st..unless her retirement dues are released before that..but thats expecting too much..it's Bihar, and in some ways, things just dont change there..

But 31st march is also the day when the policy can be surrendered..so?
Is this some arrangement by the Gods?

XXX

(February 16, 3:37pm)

Mr M had just called..he told me mom had actually drawn the entire amount from her gratuity..so there's nothing we can get..okay..fine enough..But it comes as a big stinker..

I was counting on that..i thought some 70k bucks were left still..and i could get that..but nothing seems to turn up as i had been expecting...PF, he says, is still pending..although he feels LE could be released by month end..

What do i do now?

God, I have no clues..but then again, its the Gods who have..and I just hope they timely intervene..31st March..that it is..i need cash flowing before that..

XXX

(February 13, 4:54pm)

Im much in the same uncertainty of mind..im just not able to decide whats rational,whats not....seems like my judgemental abilities have totaly timed out..

My friend tells me,"Do whatever your heart tells you.." "Then i should be closing down in my 12by14 bedroom-suite at Grands Pallavi.."

"That's not feasible" he shoots back..

"Then...why talk about heart at all."

XXX

(February 13, 3:07pm)

So all our money will be over on March 31st...then..where do i go? what do i do from here?

My job cant nearly maintain the house there...
Mr. M says my mom's file is still "moving."...

but with what pace, and at what direction, i do not know..it's been five months..whatever we had will be over soon..I told Mr. M, to get in touch with the gratuity department..heard that's the easiest to get..

And although that wouldnt last long, as unlike other things, mom had already encashed most of it..but it can atleast set aside bankruptsy for another two months i guess..

I'll be calling Mr M tomorrow again..my lawyer too..he would be filing a reminder prayer tomorrow..

Why should this ever happen to me..i have grown up in adequacy..more than that..much more..and now see...

XXX