(March 21, 4:12pm)

A couple of days ago I read Sridevi's interview...and thought how her life echoed mine...sometimes you have everything from success to money, and adulation..and yet you feel lonely and depressed..

Her life, she tells, became wayward after her father's death..and despite all the brave fights she put in, God didnt relent...whether supporting an ailing mother or looking after younger sis, she battled hurdles and sorrow and yet, not once letting it show...

Much like after grandmama's death, mumma became uncontrollable...with her money, with her resources..and yet, i remained quiet..i let others believe i was happy...and in affluence...and may be i was genuinely happy...at least genuinely in abundance if not affluence..but then you dont like reduced version of things..

Comfort, luxury, love, i had all..and still there was hollowness...and undefined one...an overwhelming one..people will relate that to man's want for more...but that's just like looking from your small window and believing the sky measured 2by6!

Which is to say, a crap assessment!

Sri rose film by film, improving zealously with each performance....but just as she was scaling new highs, her mother had cancer..like my mother passed away just as i was readying for my first job..

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People thought i was a happy lot..they saw me excel in studies..and do well otherwise..live in abundance...but they were just people measuring the sky from their little windows...and counting only the stars....which are like pebbles on a gloomy floor...

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But i can comprehend Sri when she says she had it...but she never felt she had enjoyed it...the comfort, the success sometimes are useless adornments..peace is essential..

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One spineless creature is following my blog...and it's such an annoyance..

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Holi was natural...i mean, just as the colours merge one upon the other, the darker hues prevailing...i too allowed the moods to prevail upon me, without really making efforts to be either happy or sad..

I cooked...no maids come on Holi since in Patna it's riot-like..the streets are all deserted, and shops closed...And yet, it was such sweet of Ashu to volunteer to come and take me his place...though i refused...why should i let him become the subject of somebody's prank...he has a costly two-wheeler..

Nobody from decent families move out during the day time..it's such bad..and yet he wanted to come...more than his own festivities, he was unsettled to think i was all alone...

By the way, i was alone..it didnt even occur to me..anyway, he sent apurva to take me to his place in the evening..how thoughtful...at least the gods have given friends like him..

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