(Aug 29, 2:53pm)

My Kashmiri brother... he downloaded the vintage pic I had posted here, over this blog, and published it on *ah**d's wall.. Very jubilantly, it seems..

Since he gave a caption too.. a cheeky one... and judging by the reactions it arouse, I think everything was upbeat..

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Except that he had cropped me out...
Anyway..

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Do I love mom anymore?

Did mom love me actually?

Is love sufficient.... in a vile world, where the vilest are more likely to set rules.. rules which have little regard or affinity for love?

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Muma was great person.. she attained detachment to worldly pleasure with her spiritual pursuit.. a kind of control over the mind, where the quest for monetary worth becomes impertinent..

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But the point is, she attained such "nirvana", if we call it, I didn't..

If I were at her place, I would secure my son's future, before giving away to others.. It would make me mundane surely.. but I would choose to be a selfish parent rather than a selfless person..

I would finish my retirement paper works, and see there is enough I bequeath in my absence..so that my son is not spared..

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Particularly, when I am 41 years older to my son, in feeble health, and likely to pass away while he is still young...and alone in a world, which is, to repeat, vile.. and tailored in a way that only the vilest prosper..

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My Kashmiri brother cropped me out... I am told, by a very dear person, that this was not intended..

But then.. An injury, no matter from where or what context it is sourced from, and whether or not it contains "will" of the offender, hurts you.. Especially when it comes from people you thought are more likely to safeguard you against injury rather than produce it..

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(Aug 26, 11:15pm)

Remembering Kashmir today.. and feeling nostalgic.. the one wearing triple caps is the Kashmiri friend, and the one below him is *ahe*d..

That was the first time I had seen the snow..
Christmas day, last year!

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(Aug 23, 11:43pm)

Now don't you suppose 'North and South' by Elizabeth Gaskell is one brilliant novel?

I watched the BBC adaptation in 2009, and have been raving since... the lead pair of Miss Hale and Mr Thrompton is just so beautifully crafted!

But when I read the book, which I haven't except for few beginning pages, I feel it's an eloquent writing too!

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(Aug 18, 7:22pm)

Most people have been so unkind to me, including the ones the Gods ordained to be my "own", and in fact including the Gods themselves, that my idea of who is good has, gradually but distinctly, shrinked into trusting those who have been little less unkind!

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In twenty five years has there been one who has loved me persistently? Stood by me and supported me, without once impelled to know if there's reason or not?

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Grandmom.. but she was one woman... old and feeble, and without resources... such sad truths undermining her worth in a world which is obsessed with the rich and mighty..

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As a child that was insignificant.. her joyous presence in a lonely world, was one overpowering feel..

At least so overpowering as to quell any interest, to weigh her love against an imperilled future.. or foresee, that love itself becomes insufficient when you're exposed to circumstances..

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What did she leave me? what security against lifetime's encounter with tyrants..

But there's no point blaming..

Had my grandfather not willed away everything to who he thought needed them more, she would, I am sure, provide me well to allow any slip from my rightful station..

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But isn't this ironical?

Of the two ladies who loved me, one had the thoughts  but not the resources.. while the other, the other way round!

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Blessings?
Very well, and abundantly..

and all the time!

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But did you notice, blessings do not work in a vile world?

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(Aug 11, 2:06pm)

Satyanarayan Pooja tomorrow... all marketing over, just need to get fresh flowers and sweets.. Bharati ji will come sharp at 6 am...

Excited!

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(Aug 10, 7:59pm)

Did a comprehensive interview of Wajahat Habibullah, to be published in a leading J&K daily...!!

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(Aug 9, 4:27pm)

Finished the water privatisation story.. and sent it.. Oh, it's like some mountain of a burden gone!

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Sunday I have the Satya-Narayan pooja at home.. Pandit ji's given me a list of shopping, which I would do tomorrow and day after..

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