(Sep 5, 12:03pm)

Don't tell me.. The maid didn't come.. I had told her specifically, today I would need an elaborate cleaning-up of the house, since it's mom's b'de tomorrow.. and she doesn't turn up!

Now I have to do sweeping, mopping, I have to clean the kitchen, I have to clean the window panes.. wash all the table tops, mats, change the curtains.. and Oh my God, what would I eat?

XXX

And unless I finish all that by evening, where would be the time for rest of the marketing?

XXX

(Sep 4, 8:27pm)

Just returned from Patna Market.. the same olden day place, where mum would take us to shop.. and where her father would take her when she were young..

Before its charm was overshadowed in the razzmatazz of city malls coming up!

XXX

Got a dining table cloth, fridge top, flowers and vases, a set of dining wares, and some other miscellaneous item..

It's mom's birthday on the 6th.. Have already ordered the cake, a chocolate truffle, and different sweets..

XXX

(Sep 4, 4:56pm)

On this day in 2010, mom and I had gone out for shopping... It was her birthday on 6th, and there were little things we wanted to buy..

Little, unplanned things, which you do not really need.. but which catches your attention on a lazy evening like this, when you are roaming around in the company of your loved one.. 

And when these little things, one item from this shop, another from that, rise above their trifle value and become the most important of all..

XXX

Why do we curse fate for not giving us any hint of a grim future? For not allowing us to prepare?

Do you not think it actually gives us the chance to enjoy, to be carefree and add meaning to the present, even though if it were to last only temporarily?

XXX

If I were to know, mom would die exactly 10 days from then, then forth of September wouldn't be so happy.. it would be an overwrought day, marred in foolish resistance to the future which seldom relents..

XXX

(Sep 2, 9:49pm)

Anonymous 99.. where are you... 

(Aug 29, 2:53pm)

My Kashmiri brother... he downloaded the vintage pic I had posted here, over this blog, and published it on *ah**d's wall.. Very jubilantly, it seems..

Since he gave a caption too.. a cheeky one... and judging by the reactions it arouse, I think everything was upbeat..

XXX

Except that he had cropped me out...
Anyway..

XXX

Do I love mom anymore?

Did mom love me actually?

Is love sufficient.... in a vile world, where the vilest are more likely to set rules.. rules which have little regard or affinity for love?

XXX

Muma was great person.. she attained detachment to worldly pleasure with her spiritual pursuit.. a kind of control over the mind, where the quest for monetary worth becomes impertinent..

XXX

But the point is, she attained such "nirvana", if we call it, I didn't..

If I were at her place, I would secure my son's future, before giving away to others.. It would make me mundane surely.. but I would choose to be a selfish parent rather than a selfless person..

I would finish my retirement paper works, and see there is enough I bequeath in my absence..so that my son is not spared..

XXX

Particularly, when I am 41 years older to my son, in feeble health, and likely to pass away while he is still young...and alone in a world, which is, to repeat, vile.. and tailored in a way that only the vilest prosper..

XXX

My Kashmiri brother cropped me out... I am told, by a very dear person, that this was not intended..

But then.. An injury, no matter from where or what context it is sourced from, and whether or not it contains "will" of the offender, hurts you.. Especially when it comes from people you thought are more likely to safeguard you against injury rather than produce it..

XXX

(Aug 26, 11:15pm)

Remembering Kashmir today.. and feeling nostalgic.. the one wearing triple caps is the Kashmiri friend, and the one below him is *ahe*d..

That was the first time I had seen the snow..
Christmas day, last year!

XXX

(Aug 23, 11:43pm)

Now don't you suppose 'North and South' by Elizabeth Gaskell is one brilliant novel?

I watched the BBC adaptation in 2009, and have been raving since... the lead pair of Miss Hale and Mr Thrompton is just so beautifully crafted!

But when I read the book, which I haven't except for few beginning pages, I feel it's an eloquent writing too!

XXX